Saturday, May 15, 2010

I think

HOOOOKAY. I was INCREDIBLY chilled when people are stressed. It suddenly dawned upon me that I WILL BE PRESENTING IN FRONT OF

an anthropologist
a feminist
a literature critic
a film critic
a political scientist
no make it two, only difference is the second one is a professor.
and like a couple of others who are great in journalism, international studies.

It's not that I can't count I just don't want to. This is possibly the first hurdle, I consider my first hurdle, in Honours.

As you can tell, YES. I AM OVERSPILLING.

People get it. I don't get why I need to reiterate it all over again. People who know me well enough know inside this little bubble is not air. It's volatile and once it pops, something nasty creeps out. Which I find really disgusting sometimes. I'm either uptight and really occupied with my conscience. But when I loosen up, it seems like I lose my conscience.

I have a habit of randomly over-spilling because I don't express myself very well. It took me long enough to just eff the whole thing and just get out there and DO something instead of being stuck in that bubble which I'm comfortable in.

I really do miss that bubble. Right now, I'm just not being something I am.

At times, I feel like I'm being pushed to the corner. Only adjusting to that corner only adjusting because I'm forced to. I'm so bent on sucking everything in I can't find the right balance. There's going to be a point when I can't take the pressure, I make decisions I regret.

But it's too late now right to say things like that?

Hormones talking. I'm reconsidering this. I know I say even if this kills me I won't give up. Now I am thinking. "How did I end up here?" Did I take the getting-out-of-comfort-zone-agenda the wrong way? Or did I do this just to stay in my comfort zone because of my irrational fear of office politics. The irony.

But it's too late right? Wednesday is just 4 days away.


Mei yii said...

OMG. You just reminded me how my presentation flopped big time. T_T *sob Hahaha! Hope yours went well!