Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I hope by the end of this post.

I hope by the end of this post I will feel sleepy. I miss sleeping. I miss sleeping without having to wake up in the middle of the night. And this is just one of my futile attempts to put myself to sleep in one such occasion.

The stress is settling in harder than ever now and it seems to me it's going to be a permanent resident until the end of the semester. I kinda get that big looming cloud of dread hanging over me when I sit on my mustard-yellow chair in the Honours room. It is very unsettling it is affecting my number 1 (or number two :D) love in life - Sleep.

The schedule is just getting more and more packed I have less and less time to spend with people I want to spent it with, more and more things to do and the worst part is it comes one-shot due one day after another. I know it'll benefit me in the long run and train me to be able to handle more than one thing at a time (something I'm rarely successful at as an undergrad). I'm losing my ability to focus. OMG.

Tutoring has been pretty much fun and fulfilling and as much as I hate to admit it, it's probably the only thing right now that I enjoy of all the work I have to do in a week. LOL. Glad I signed up. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't consider myself a particularly brilliant student as an undergrad. I never pictured myself to be taking honours, let alone tutoring but here I am. Nervous at first, but getting the hang of what I do. The people I teach are more responsive than I initially thought as well. And like myself 3 years ago, they don't do their readings. Hahahaa. All is good.

I remember vaguely how the possibility of Honours came about. The possibility of Honours just popped up as I was finishing my last assignment in Melbourne. What do I do now? That dreadful question that looms above all our heads. The possibilities of making it in the working world, parting with good friends and all these comfort we once had was going to be taken away just like that no matter what path you choose. But new comforts that come after that reinstates how adaptable humans are.

I chose to pursue this only because I felt I didn't know enough. And pushed towards new boundaries slowly out of our comfort zones, I surprisingly made it. I don't feel like how I did 5 months ago. It's quite funny seeing myself stumbling my way here and there to where I am now. But when I look back and see how much I've developed from all these harshness, I am content. With all the wonderful support I get, the journey is worth walking.