Happy Birthday To Me.

Ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!

EDIT 24 October 2010.

Not for kids below 18.

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Scroll lowerrr

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It's gonna be quite funny

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I wonder if this is what my friends actually think of me.

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I had a ball nonetheless!



=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Shudder.

Forced environments. And the bitch I am.

One.

Things just happen.

Life lived with an illusion of control is life lived without meaning.

One way I justify my own self lack of control.

Had the final serious class with FTV today. The next tutorial is just going to be for housekeeping.
I don't know what to feel. It's been quite an experience since signing up for it. However, at the same time, it was also one of the only most eventful thing of my second semester.

Given a second chance, I'd do it. And I'll do it better.


*

Low.

Why get high when you can get low?

The smartest thing I thought of today.

My time with you.

Upular. Happy Three.

Pictures.

Happy Kid.

I'm a happy kid. I grew up one. I ate like one. I bummed around like one. Made friends like one. I talk like one (at least until I encounted Foucault and Marx). I drive like... Ok, maybe not so much. Malaysian drivers aiyoyo. But I accept that this happiness may not have always been from circumstances that were genuine nor always been perpetual with little glitches in life. This happiness may be a cloak to conceal something I wish to hide from people around me. At the same time, definitely some situations created to happify me may also be done out of obligation. But still it makes me happy.

It's only in recent years I realized I fail as a happy-shiny person. Quite happy, but not so shiny.

I don't conceal very well. And people who know me well can pick it up. But I am happy because I don't have a very big memory space. I can become selective of what I remember.

BAHAHAHA. THESIS DRIVING ME CRAZY NO DOUBT.

But I'm a happy kid.

Side note: Chiangmai video gonna be aired today! Whoopie!

Hall and Oates (1998)

Gyah. It's October. Old. Poke. Thesis. Uncomplete. Guilty. When. Doing. Everything. Else. ARGH.

A busy week ended with a bang.

Hairspray. Everybody needs a can. :)

Thursday.

Seapigs and stress don't go well together. But this one tries to.

Glad the week is almost over. Wouldn't say it's completely unproductive have had sometime to Unagi @ chapter two. At the same time have had Sonia for company.

There's this really numb feeling on my right forearm and wrist now. Gosh needs to improve posture.

Tomorrow's Friday. Tutorial, Seksualiti Merdeka, and Hairspray! Possibly my last busiest day of the week. Do drafting. Writing starts Saturday. :)

And I write with pictures of you in my mind. Hang in there =)

Saengil Chukahae.

Birthday Girl might like this ;) Keep dancing around. Keep up that energy. Eat lotsa sushi burger for me. LOL. Everything orange reminds me of you!!! LOL. Don't bully smoochie. :) Life is already filled with hurdles as it is glad I have a friend like you to help me through them.

OCTOBER BABIES ARE AWESOMEEEE :D

Happy Birthday Alva Huang Yan Ting aka Alvaca & Lava. :)

You must be tired on display at the Royal Melbourne Show :D :D :D :D

I DEDICATE THIS TO YOU

Inadequacy.

I would physically struggle with this. But it doesn't exist in physical form.

Today I learnt.

Not all Iranians like Khomeini.

Things I don't understand.

It is not the first time I've encountered someone from an abusive relationship. It is also not the first time I have to watch someone close to me gone through this. Whether physically or emotionally, both cause equal harm exerted through power asymmetry. But then the complication is that abuse like many other things are self definitive. Yet at the same time, sometimes I forget. I must be lucky having to not experience it for myself until today. Sometimes I forget, the constant supply of empathy is all that is needed to help such experiences. Sometime I forget that some situations can be helped in times that are short. I constantly try not to step in because when I do, I don't do it right. I just never did.

To put it metaphorically, sometimes it's like watching a plant wither while hesitating to share the water that is in your hands. Sometimes, it is like watching an injured animal, but not sure what to do to nurse it back to health. Sometimes it's like mourning for a death of someone you don't know personally. Grievance is not shared, hence you feel like anything you do is just not enough.

These are just some things I don't understand but my move to inquire does show that I someday wish to but at the same time fear. Though ultimately I try as much as I can to understand it now. Day by day as I watch this plant wither, the limped body of something that was once alive, I mourn. Even though mourning does not come close to understanding of what has become, I'd do all I can, and that is all I can do, holding onto hope that someday this too shall pass.

Destructive.

I believe love is not destructive.

Anything destructive of close to destructive is not worth that sacred title.

I detest irrationality.

Pro-duck-tive.

Unproductivity will not do.

The attention I pay.

Before 2pm today I:

1. Pump petrol eventhough my tank is not empty.
2. Filled my tyres with air. been procrastinating since forever.
3. Went to MPH @ One U.
4. Forever 21 @ make-me-poor sale.
5. Tried servicing my car at Toyota without an appointment.
6. Kena rejected like dog (Alex, 2009). Made an appointment to service my car. Thurs, 1.30pm.
7. Came to Starbucks. With work. Ate. Drank. Coffee funkysizing my tummy.

Not sure if I should leave my table.

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All in all. Not productive work-wise but productive in other ways.

Perpetual.

Even if happiness is not perpetual, it is still a form of happiness.

Excited for October.

OMG REUNIONNN.

Job.

And so it sinks.

I met a couple of friends I chilled with in Melbourne last Friday. There I was seated in the middle of the group talking about their jobs and jobs to-be. Their anxieties, their enthusiasm, everything under the sun. I listened picturing myself in their shoes. Btw, grats to Rom who just got a job. And Richmond who survived his first week of it. Alex who is there when I was in financial emergency. I will be eternally grateful.

All in all, I never expected to be part of a conversation like this so soon. It just hit me that it's not long before I will be like them. I really really need a job. Tutoring is all fun and good part-time, but I need a real-time job.

Travel and Tourism - Even though it has nothing to do with my course, it's one thing I'm genuinely interested.

Teaching - Although I was told colleges normally go for a masters graduate for that.

Corporate communications - Yes. Slave of the corporate world I be.

Writer - Like I always planned. But am I good enough?

Activist - I can see myself doing something related to women's aid or children. Hopefully. =)

So many choices. But at this point in time, I don't know what to do with my life. I do know people who are in the similar shoes I'm in. I emphasize. I can't imagine how studying life is ending so soon. It's like how many years in a blink of an eye?

It's 1.32 am and I can't sleep.