Scars and Tattoos.

"TRAUMA , MEMORY AND TRANSFORMATION:
THE MALAYSIAN AND SOUTHEAST ASIAN EXPERIENCE
Monash Sunway Campus - 22-24th June 2010. - DAY 2"

Generally in all histories in South East Asia, traumas are sanitized in invented histories was very intriguing. However, it can be said that these traumas it should be out in the open to remind the young the painful process of Nation building. Just as trauma can be 'scars', trauma can also be treated like a 'tattoo'. - Not in the exact words, however but this is what I got from Farish Noor's talk this morning about 'history'. Even if both lasts forever in every sense of the word, one is seen with regret, the other is accepted as part of life which one lives and moves on. Whether a from a macro standpoint of a nation's history formed through collective memory, or a more micro notion of 'the-self', trauma ideally should be the latter. Or so I wish to turn my scars into tattoos.

side note.

Trauma Conference Day 2 ended with a lot of fangirliness.

Trauma

"TRAUMA , MEMORY AND TRANSFORMATION:
THE MALAYSIAN AND SOUTHEAST ASIAN EXPERIENCE
Monash Sunway Campus - 22-24th June 2010. - DAY 1"

I feel strangely inadequate right now. Oh so many people flashing in front of me induced some psuedo-claustrophobic attack. EESH. But I generally felt today's session was productive.

One mentioned Susan Sontag's theory against interpretation - I miss COM3055. The course as a whole was awesome.

But heres some food for thought.

One session that got me thinking is the one about Acheh where two presenters talks about the dealings with trauma. Where the politics of erasure vs the spiritual Healing of trauma in relation to collective memory (a more macro sense with this term). All in all, I think we all agree that some trauma cannot be expressed in words. Very emotive, very dependent on the human conscious-unconscious. Hence, one of the things these professors + academics argue is that trauma can be described through other forms of art like visual arts, film, music, fiction and etc that may allow the unconscious to seep out.

Personally, I've not dealt with 'trauma' that's as severe as what was discussed today (war, history, natural disaster). I've lost my Wira in 2008, I had to deal with heck alot of drama at Melbourne, I look back and I think: These memories of discontent I deal with it by displacing it on someone or something else.

This must also be why I write Fanfictions.

*

Side note.

I'm never going to buy a second-hand cellphone ever again. I'm fed up. Got fking cheated.

Looking for a safer place to hide.

It's about time I stopped.

Every year I promise myself to be 'true-er' to myself but... there's always a but.

Between pleasing other people and working to gain acceptance, is me and my irrational fear of rejection. I can't rationalize my obsession of being accepted. But truth be told, where I am now. I think I found solace in certain people who will never put me in limbo between acceptance and rejection. I think acceptance doesn't matter as much anymore.

The point is: People are so fluid and fragmented, we get overwhelmed by the different characters, emotions, discourses and opinions. You can't work yourself to please everyone. It's impossible even if you did it at your own expense.

And this part I hate, is choice. Who to please when you're stuck between two?

UGH.

Why do you let me stay here?

This is SHOO CUTE. *500 Days of Summer fangirly screams*.

500 Days of Summer Promo.



The Original. :)




I'm just sitting on the shelf. - She and Him.

I could do better.

Same same but different.

FOX.

ASTRO HAS FOXXX!

FOX HAS FAMILY GUY!

KL HAS NO ASTRO.

=.=

WHAT THE HECK.

To the moon and back.

Savage garden. Yes. I am stuck in the 90's.

Moving on.

I did not eat Katong Laksa.
I did not go to the Pixar's exhibition.
I did not get Universal Studios tickets.
But other places I went were as good during my little getaway.
Now that I'm back and greeted by all the chaos.
Rooting from the Trauma conference.
Chiang Mai trip.
Other responsibilities.
I wonder if it's possible for me to finish my fieldwork in time.

Can kut.

So yes. Now I'm poor and have aching limbs and a stomach that refuses to recover because of dodgy ass char kway teow from Vivo's Food Republic.

Had Fruitips. That tong garden pipe thinggys. Reaped the benefits from the Great Singapore Sale. *yay* Visited the Arts Museum *lovely lovely postcolonialism going on there*. Went to the beach.

And from these 4 days in Singapore I learnt, 7 Eleven is a life saver. WHO'S WITH ME?!

I think I wasn't able to enjoy it as much as I thought I would because this trip came with too much guilt. Don't get me wrong, from that moment I left my passport in KL, there's been too much I needed to sacrifice to go for the trip. Plus, from the very beginning, this trip ALMOST didn't happen. Now I think about my work eeesh. It's sad how I seem to always give in to temptation.

But it was fun while it lasted. =)

Now it's back to the Honours room and that marked proposal lying motionlessly on my table. *gulps*

I hate this part right here.

Merlion.

Will be away fishing for Merlions.

Tight ass budget but I can do this. EUGH. *fingers crossed*

Will be cut off from cyberspace for ze next 4 days.

And...

Alva. I will eat Katong laksa for you. =D

Tomorrow.

My best bud will be stepping on Malaysian soil.

I know it's going to be cheesy but, this person has been there with me since secondary 1 and this semester is by far the first time we've been apart for very the long.

This time has also been rather turbulent but perhaps for the better because we both learnt damn a lot. I discovered things about myself that I didn't know before through this process.

And I hope she buys me red-rock-deli chips. HAHAHAHAHA.

SHO I hope the stupid weather can quickly become better and end the delay, not because of hoping for my best bud can stop waiting at the airport like a goon and actually get access to some in-flight sky-high popular culture brain wash, BUT--

so that I can see her ASAP.

EESH. I eat too much corn.

I'm amused.

To top it all off.

This scene feels so familiar. The whole I'm stuck in the middle feeling only because I can't do anything right.

SIGHHH.

Mr. Sun.

The springtime brings out

The brightest green in things
And tiny sprouts push the soil from their way
Mr. Sun, please don't go away

'Cause the winter saddened all the flowers
And the oceans turned to gray
And the sky cried down for days and days
Mr. Sun, please don't go away

The birds and bees all sing happy things
As they fly into the sky
And lonely trees will grow families in their leaves
Mr. Sun, stay here won't you please

'Cause the winter saddened all the flowers
And the oceans turned to gray
And the sky cried down for days and days
Mr. Sun, please don't go away - Kina Grannis, Mr. Sun.

Better out than in. Lol. Happy. :)

I remember.

I remember that I told myself I will pursue what I want. If I don't get it, I won't have any regrets because I tried.

So what's holding me back?

Random.

How can everything be so random? LOL.

My take.

Dumb down your students and ensure existing power. Very 'smart' move.

Stuffed like a turkey.

Murni franchised. THERE IS A MURNI IN USJ NOW like 15 minutes away from Monash. I just had it! at a really ungodly hour (9.00pm). And the ikan pari damn awesomee. Omgosh. I can't think. Pari + Nasi goreng Chicken chop = My tummy is jumping with joy (Later jumping with agony, but I'll worry about it later).

But this also means I need to make more frequent trips to the park. :S lol.

I don't see how I can lose weight when there's so many good things to eat around Subang. Oh dear. I'll take the stairs to the 6th floor tomorrow.

Apart from Murni, these are alternatives.

1. Bawang Merah (SS12) is a Godsend, it's the only place that makes me go high on Kuih. Has THE best cuffypuffs IN THE WORLD (okay la, the best is in Melbourne, but not edible one teehee). So okay, the best edible currypuffs that I go gaga over on twitter comes from here. Opposite SJMC, not difficult to get there.

2. Melur (ss19) has the BEST roti canai ever. It's not elastic or thick. It's really like crispy on the outside, fluffed on the inside very light when you crave for something yummy when you are not hungry. People might not agree with me, but I feel it's truly worth trying.