Pro-duck-tive.

Unproductivity will not do.

The attention I pay.

Before 2pm today I:

1. Pump petrol eventhough my tank is not empty.
2. Filled my tyres with air. been procrastinating since forever.
3. Went to MPH @ One U.
4. Forever 21 @ make-me-poor sale.
5. Tried servicing my car at Toyota without an appointment.
6. Kena rejected like dog (Alex, 2009). Made an appointment to service my car. Thurs, 1.30pm.
7. Came to Starbucks. With work. Ate. Drank. Coffee funkysizing my tummy.

Not sure if I should leave my table.

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.
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All in all. Not productive work-wise but productive in other ways.

Perpetual.

Even if happiness is not perpetual, it is still a form of happiness.

Excited for October.

OMG REUNIONNN.

Job.

And so it sinks.

I met a couple of friends I chilled with in Melbourne last Friday. There I was seated in the middle of the group talking about their jobs and jobs to-be. Their anxieties, their enthusiasm, everything under the sun. I listened picturing myself in their shoes. Btw, grats to Rom who just got a job. And Richmond who survived his first week of it. Alex who is there when I was in financial emergency. I will be eternally grateful.

All in all, I never expected to be part of a conversation like this so soon. It just hit me that it's not long before I will be like them. I really really need a job. Tutoring is all fun and good part-time, but I need a real-time job.

Travel and Tourism - Even though it has nothing to do with my course, it's one thing I'm genuinely interested.

Teaching - Although I was told colleges normally go for a masters graduate for that.

Corporate communications - Yes. Slave of the corporate world I be.

Writer - Like I always planned. But am I good enough?

Activist - I can see myself doing something related to women's aid or children. Hopefully. =)

So many choices. But at this point in time, I don't know what to do with my life. I do know people who are in the similar shoes I'm in. I emphasize. I can't imagine how studying life is ending so soon. It's like how many years in a blink of an eye?

It's 1.32 am and I can't sleep.

How to train your dragon.

Source: IMDB.

Secrets aplenty.

I seem to be better at expressing negativity on my blog. Writing happy things don't make me reach much word count. Am I someone one who prefers to shares my self-defined misery in great detail and keep my happiness to myself? I don't believe I am that kind of person but reading my old blog posts, they get more word count. Maybe I am just being modest. Too modest to present the little perfection in my life too a point, where I need to highlight things that went wrong to have me and others embrace the little imperfections in life. At least I should try to put all things happy as well to provide a closer representation of who I am.

So many opinions I keep away from here. The whack education system, what I really think about Najib, what I really think about Rosmah's plastic surgery, what I really think about alcohol, drugs, fucked up relationships around me, racism in and out of Malaysia, my take on religion...

But truth be told, I cannot provide a closer representation of my life to the very sense of it's word. It's just physically impossible. Memory may fail. My perception may be biased. The whole point is to not be objective, but I find it blasphemous to be completely biased. It may feel like this for a day and then change my mind another. So how is representation ever accurate?

Broken.

Shards of glass.

On the floor.

I groan thinking about cleaning it once more.

Adversity.

In times of adversity think of one time that was not.

It helps a little bit. :)

it sets in.

Simple.

It's not simple at all.

Bola 2010.

I swear I did not steal his food.

:)

*

All is fun and good. Although I had no success to get Izalea and Sonia to come in a pink dress, but to drag them to a formal event was still a feat.

Will belanja you a steak, Izalea. Will buy you a lolly, Sonia.

*

It might've been harder than I thought. But fingers crossed. After this week, all will be well.

We're still WOOTS like 8 years later.

Take note: Kui Jien was not mentioned in this post. Until now. TEEHEE.

O.

M.

G.

Gnoooooooo!

I just realized I'm cheap labour. :O :O

What am I doing wrong?

K-drama.

How can I still not find this ridiculous?! :D

Have no idea how this would turn out. The taiwanese version was by far zomgs damn good. And I cannot compute Kim Hyunjoong as a smart bad-ass in my mind. This goes to my things-to-do-after-honours list (Though I'm not sure if i can resist temptation until then).

Laura Mulvey is very wrong in this one. She said many shows used to be done based on the male gaze. As a female viewer, you still watch it from the point of view of the man. This may apply to Holly wood.

I could so write a whole thesis about this. Korean dramas always catered to the female gaze and desires more than the male. Average girl and a recent big-break high-profile resident good looker cum boybander in the Korean entertainment industry. You get the drift. :)

I don't find this ridiculous. I could write ten thousand theses on Korean dramas forever and ever and ever. :D :D :D

One Chunk.

I admit, I don't deal with nostalgia very well. Which is why I try to by writing it down. For every photo that captures the passing moment, and every image that captured the passing moment, I hold on in my reverie. Lately, I noticed I've been doing it a little more often than I did before. It just seemed to me that I had a wealth of things to look back at. How we've grown to what we are today. With every inch the children stand, with every wrinkle that appears on the adults' face, everything just got me wondering, isn't time passing a little too fast?

Attachment to people is often malleable. Feelings change, people change, we adapt, although we mustn't forget the difficulty in this lies in the act of adapting to change. Attachment to things perhaps a little harder to cope. It's because they stay with you. They function. They make your life a lot easier without saying 'no'. They do what they're meant to do without rejecting you. Attachment to things I feel is also difficult to remove. Some things I have, I still look back now, and still feel that what if I still had it? Things I've lost out of carelessness, or things that have been taken away from me, or things I sold. These items which accompanied me through a specific amount of time when things happened. Attachment to place is another. I feel deeply deeply ingrained in my brain a want that I fail to remove completely.

But I like to see myself a a big puzzle. With pieces lying every where, a moment that filled people who have parted or things that someone else might be holding.

It's been a little over two months and one thing that kept on reappearing every day and catching my attention is about to be sold off. I first noticed it in the early days of April. And since then, it has always constantly appearing. It's still quite unbelievable how things turned out through the course of time. It definitely got my attention like how it was intended. It definitely was part of something that made a chunk of me. And like every departure, this one left with a chunk of me.

Assume.

I lost count of my epic phail moments. Bahahahah.

Anyways, Back to JB tomorrow for family reunion of sorts. WOOOOOOOOOOO! HAPPY.

Jim Morrison.

To Crack.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpOTNKHvISM

And to reflect.

Clickkk to go to my pseudo Singaporean life bible----> A heart that hurts is a heart that works

Unagi.

:)


*

In this world,

People do see beyond the size and aesthetics of the body.

Overwhelmed.

I cannot focusssss. ARGH.

Off schedule dy.

*curse and swear*

Mourn.

It is how you build your life around something, and then you watch it waste away. But it doesn't mean you can't rebuild it again.

I hope all ends well.

Destination

It's not the destination, it's the journey.

Party Hard.

I frown at the sheer stupidity of the second semester.

Hurricane

“i wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. not fuck, like in those movies. not even have sex. just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. but i lacked the courage, and she has a boyfriend and i was gawky and she was gorgeous and i was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. so i walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, i was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

- john green, looking for alaska

I just had to put this up when I saw it on Perfect 10's Rozz's blog. Couldn't sleep. And now after seeing this I'm even more awake.

OH SO SWEET I just wanna die. *nerdmetaphoricalmindphuck*

*

People say, heartbreak is when love is not love anymore. I believe heartbreak is until love is found again. Of course, if this is yet another test of my belief, I am keen to see how long it stands. If I live long enough to give a testament, I will.

I truly truly am lucky. Therefore I thank. I know I said I didn't before, but maybe now, I believe in this thing called fate, though not to the purest sense. I sit on the fence. How irrational. But I like.