Incompetence

I stared at that pair of eyes peering through those thick rims. Switching alternatively from the longsighted one to the short sighted one. Thrusting candid comments as you read through my bad grammar. LOL.

And I thought to myself, is this what you do for a living? You just jot down what you see with that pair of eyes, publish it into an article/book. You mark like ten thousand essays and teach ten thousand kids and ten thousand lectures and deal with ten thousand typo errors.

But you're only one person.

I can only shy away with my incompetence.

Honours.

I don't feel very Honourable now.

The never ending demand.

Karaoke anyone?

Sekian,

Nyek nyek nyek *gets smacked by Bernie, Paulista, Naya*

Do it.

So that I can turn back and look at myself and agree it's now or never.

Train of thought.

Hunger.

Go to school 7 days a week as opposed to drinking 'yumcha-ing' once a week. Typically have 2 solid meals (one often consist of recommendations by my partners in crime) and snacks in between because we can practically LIVE there. Maybe Dr Sony was right. We ARE running a cafeteria. Getting there at least. Dr. Yeoh awarded us as the hungriest bunch of Honour students. Well, he's right too. What else?

One's crushing under the work pressure. Two sick. Me developing some sort of diability where I'm unable to open my eyes for long. You know, if hunger was our bee-gest problem we wouldn't be like that.

But since we're talking about hunger.

I HAD THE BEST COOKIE EVER TODAY LIKE THE BEST ORAL/TUMMY ORGASM ONE CAN GET SORTA GOOD. IT IS SOOOOOO GOOD.

Random Google image - From Bangsar Village Grocer where we also got our Bundaberg's ;)

It's like an extended version of Cold Storage with actual expats shopping there. BUT LIKE COLD STORAGE THEY DO NOT HAVE RED ROCK DELI! Gyaaaaaa! *slash wrist*

Stop and Stare.

The next overly imaginative member of the male species who stares at what I (or you, if you want to be part of this little revolution/movement of sorts) wear will get flicked off. The problem is no female is brave enough to retaliate it makes it so that it is 'okay' to stare (I'm not acting on it yada yada yada). Let's get the point across. No, it is not. It's not right staring infringing on other people's privacy. People have gotten killed just because of staring incidents. If killing wasn't illegal, you would too.

The whole ogling eye shit from both men (and ironically some women omg why why why). Seriously are you that free? Don't you have other better things to do? You want me to swear off shorts and tank tops in this frikking sahara?

Apparently a stare isn't enough these days. I stare at them, they don't seem to look away instead we get embroiled in a silent staring game like there's no tomorrow. It takes damn alot of mind-boggling self control to walk-off okay and fuming for the next half an hour.

Damn you, Freud. Penis envy my ass.

Green.

Editing at 4am in the morn tend to be fruitless.

Anxieties aside.

It's a green day. Happy Earthday everyone. There's this wear green movement in conjunction with that. Quite LOL. I even brought my shrek ears to complete my look. LOL. And I really needed it coz my hair is all out of shape covers my face all the time it's annoying.

It's either shrek ears or a haircut.

I think this time round, I'll go with the ears.

Bah.

This is gonna hurt. So bad.

Food for thought.

Shopping is like paying for expensive multiple orgasms.

Is it easier?

If it's harder to live in reality. Would it be easier to live in a world of fantasy?

I doubt so.

30 waking hours.

I spent 30 waking hours (45 minute nap in between lol) pretty productive today. Alex came over to Uni for lunch. For people like us who are still part of Monash, we will prefer to distance ourselves from the cafeteria. I figured out certainly his arrival had something more that just to satisfy is Indomie + chicken thingys craving. He still went for it despite my warning. Funny stuff.

A year ago, it's pretty difficult to visualize how any of my partners in crime can be hardworking model citizens of Malaysia. Right now, it's actually happening. One of us is about to put on a nicely pressed collared shirt and slacks and submit himself to the capitalist world out there. Haha. It's not that bad lah. Betcha there's a bunch of hot chicks there.

And another friend, has walked on stage with a square hat! HAHA. ALVA! Congratulations. Long awaited ceremony lol. You musto love it. Haha. I bet you're damn happy you're bombarded with stuffed-toys and gifts. :) Even happier you got to sing K. ZOMGGGG. It was love right? Don't deny. Inseparable from that phallic object with a sponge at the other end.

I woke up. at 12.30. I slept for 13 hours in total. Damn thankful I didn't sleep while driving back. Gyahh.

SIGS

I suddenly feel immense pride in my School. After all, it was once upon a time huge back in the day. Zainah Anwar, of Sisters-in-Islam, one of the leaders of the progressive feminist Islamic movement, is from SIGS.

I have only faced an open racist taunt once from a teacher throughout 5 years I've spent there, with a blank shocked look I stared, the teacher responded "I am only stating the fact". Saleha was her name, a total contradiction to that veil she was wearing.

We bitched among ourselves, never brought it up to the big people. Thought it was going to get me expelled. Wasn't much of a rebel as I thought I was. Until today, I cannot forget how the anger boiled in me having to sit at the same table as her. And when she left, I blew.

I have faced numerous other 'race' based bias in respect to the co-curriculum sector. Red tapes and permission issues. Even if I wasn't the one directly dealing with the teacher, this was one of the demotivating factor that makes me regret to even want to be part of something.

Racism even existed between those who were teaching. What kind of students are they going to mould if they are so bent on reinstating the wrong discourse?

Once upon a time, this didn't exist. This is the reason SIGS's 'hugeness' was once upon a time.

I hope they try hard enough to get it back.

Hatemail to Insecurity.

HEY YOU'RE A MONSTER!

Since now.

It's been countless of times I've taken a plane to and fro from KL and back. And for every trip, the first thing I do when I look at my boarding pass is hope that I will get a (Number)A/F because it's the window seat.

This time I got lucky.

16F.

Phillip Wang once blogged about how everyone young or old will always gaze out the window when the plane takes off. We like to look at how the people, buildings and terrains from a top-view. I can't agree more.

For that long essay I've been working on I've been sleeping in the day and staying up at night since friday. I had no sleep before hopping onto the plane. I was surprised I could stay up the whole 45 minutes.

I feel at ease. As long as I'm at the window, even if it's the longest plane ride ever, and it's a painful journey to leave home or leave where I've gained the most life changing experience ever. I think sitting there would've helped a bit.

Looking back, I don't get this often. I either give it away or I'm just not quick enough. Plane rides are awesome.

Family Guy and Glee cross over.

QUAGMIREWTFLOL.

For granted.

Oh yep. I take a lot of things for granted. Sometimes friends. Sometimes family. God, I know it's quite blasphemous to say, but that figure is pretty much non-existant in my life right now but it doesn't matter much growing in a family of atheists that only believes in doing good. The fact that I don't have much financial anxieties or have ever *touchwood* needed to see my parents divorce. People who taught me. Yet with all those WHO WERE DEDICATED and actually gave a shit, I let laziness cling on to me like how a possessive lover with a personality disorder that is impossible to shake off. The roof above my head. The other roof above my head. KL is love. The food on my table. My two limbs. My two arms. My intact fingers. My 5 senses. Astigmatism DOES NOT count as a disability. My good healthy body minus indigestion. Not in a war torn country.

Ok fine. I won't count my pimples...

The atmosphere.

Very choking and sinus inducing. :/

I cannot deal with stubborn people.

And that I am at the verge of exploding at his stubbornness. Stubbornness can get in the way of a lot of things, especially people. REALLY.

Show me the Money.

Blogged by - Wongfu Ted Fu.

LOL.

Work.

Ok. I will start work tomorrow. I know I said this yesterday but tomorrow, it will be different. I will start for sure. Without a doubt. Tomorrow is the day. There isn't a better day. I will not be distracted by Facebook and twitter or the Discovery Channel or Travel And Living or Starworld and E! and fishville, gave that up a long time ago. Feel an occasional want to see what my tank has become but no. I will not succumb.

Maybe Glee.

Just a small town girl.

JB is barely entertaining without a car.

I woke up this morning.

Regreting last night.

*



Side note, my uncle and his wife from St Jose and his sister, my aunt who took care of me in Australia, came to Johor today. My cousin, Chelsea (not Man U lol) from the US is a half korean mix chinese baby. She is the cutest most brilliant thing alive! *squish* It was funny at the dinner we had today. She was like the center of attention but only one person had her attention. (Sadly, it wasn't me). HAHAHA. You know who you are.

Never let me go lolololol.

Another cute cousin to add on to my cousins-to-bully-collection. Or maybe I just gained an extra cousin who could potentially abuse me.

Like as if I haven't been abused enough sighsighemoemolol

It's good either way.

LOL. The greatest Easter ever. =)

Revelation.

There were reasons why I can be taken in and then taken out and wavering between the two in accepting somebody.

I think, in my life there is only this one other person I was never able to wholeheartedly accept.

Myself. My intuition.

Fake.

Let's face it, half of the conversations you have on facebook in a day are meaningless. If not meaningless, it's less meaningful than having a conversation in real life. Do you know the how it feels the in-person-ness in conversations? It's like the excitement, the direct response, the emotional build-up, everything comes one shot like a complicated gush of exhilarating complex mix of feelings that flows in your veins and stimulates your brain and make you feel like your medula-oblongata is about to burst. Those chat programs and social networking sites? It's just not the same. It's fake. The problem is beyond semiotics here. The ultimate fake and yet sooooo many people fall for the fakeness of it and get hurt by the fakeness of it believing it's the truth.

Me being one of them right now because it seems like the most real thing to me. The closest I can get to these people in the midst of everything. Something of comfort. Something that I can do to remind people that I still exist. Something that I can do to feel a little bit of love being so far apart. Something like what a jilted lover would do onto that lover that she still can't forget.

I have never never missed anything so badly before in my life. I always kept important things close. I somehow, probably lucky or somewhat blessed, always had people around me. In my darkest bleakest times to my happiest times to my drunk times. But this year, I have probably the longest list of people that I miss and also action I'm missing out on... ><

*

I believe in justice. I believe in this big fat word call Karma. Fk this, I believe in a lot of shit but I know this two prevails. In my government it fking doesn't but I know elsewhere it will. It does. It's been too long collecting all the bad karma and keep it from spilling. When I wake up in the morning, I can wake up with something new in my head.

We get that. That one person who appears and screws around and manipulate people's lives for their own selfish whims and fancies. I got mine. Have you?

回家.

Although there is work.

I DAMN EXCITED TO GET AWAY FROM MSG LADEN FOOD.

SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY IS STONING DAY.

Just discovered today my dad's been on leave for 2 weeks for a minor operation.

GYAAAAAHHHHH!!! ><

NOBODY TELL ME GYAH XO