Reconnected.

500 days without any access to the internet.

My unofficial offer rolled in last thursday. Just saw it today. And Dr Yeoh is my supervisor YAY. *hits the ceiling*

What else is there left to do?

Get Smashed.
Zouk.
House hunting.
Bridge hunting.
Chilling.
Fishvilling
Murni.
Kayu.
Honours approval.
Consultation with Dr Yeoh.
Get Smashed with Zemdawg.
Shoeshopping
New Year shopping. *almost done, snicker*

Looking freaking forward. As forward as I can. I'm not holding onto anything I held onto previously. I definitely had a little too much baggage before. =) I am going to lose some weight on my shoulders. And also a full-body one after CNY. =9 Looking forward to this new thing. 21 is a good number.

Jem in KL on Fri. Alva Jacky Kevin Andrew on the 9th.

Gavin arrived in Singapore yesterday lol.

Heading to Singapore on Sat.

Sonia heading off on the 10th

Prepare for CNY after returning to JB. Put me culinary skills in action woot woot. No disasters plz. *fingers crossed*

Loves.

Professor.

ALAMAK.

*facepalm*

Somethings.

I know that there's always a few things in life that make you go crazy thinking about them. =)

Many of will not cease even when you stop thinking about them.

*

Heading up to KL tomorrow. I am quite excited. There'll be things to do and places to go and budgets to bust. X(

To do list

1. Return all I've borrowed. Go monash.
2. Go for Nasi Beriani at Kayu.
3. Buy sportshoes to work out after Beriani.
4. Meeting up with significant people. =)

When do I pack?

Spot-Check.

Reminds me of Zeming. LOL.

Feels like highschool all over again. I'm sure people know the death of the Johor Sultan 2 days ago is was splashed all over the news after the whole hush-hush period. There are people spot-checking the people to mourn his death. Shops that didn't close on Saturday were asked to close, some were fined. Rumour has it that some people who didn't wear the black band, some were slapped by official-guards. Why am I not surprised?

Yes. And also apparently there are people selling it for 5 bucks outside. Even state-funerals can capitalize arr!

My make-shift band from an old sock.

=.=

Heading to the car service center now. T_T Hope it doesn't take long. Running errands later.

Side note,

The home PC died on me. T_T

Unwatched You're Beautiful/Shining Inheritance eps inside. RAWRR.

DAMN YOU PSU.

Quite cool.

Not that we were unaware of the dress code but for restaurants like this, is there even a need for one? For the first time in my life, I was requested to have lunch outside the restaurant because

GET THIS

I was wearing shorts and flipflops.

*all together now*

WHAT THE-

(insert a whole string of profanities)

People get bounced out of a club when they're drunk. People don't get bounced out of a restaurant because they're wearing shorts, okay. They just don't. The world is not supposed to function like that.

I was wearing a long black tunic and a pair of white shorts and flip flops, which part of my attire is unacceptable? Apparently, the in the Royal Johor Country Club requires you to be appropriately dressed in order to gain entrance. Supposedly to maintain the class. BAH.

With this kind of weather, you expect me to cover up?!

I outwardly reject this ancient rule that is being imposed on me. Nothing is going to stop me from wearing what I am comfortable in.

OMG THAT PLACE SO KAMPUNG DAMN PISSED SEH.

You know, wearing shorts, doesn't make me an infidel.

Ok lah. Next time I'll go in my prom dress. =.=

Stalky.

I was browsing and I randomly stumbled upon this.



Growing up, I have always been the awkward one. The stalky girl who always stood behind in class photos because of her body frame. Meek smile with hair tied up into a pony tail. Under-achiever because she couldn't get her priorities right. Dudes at that time were really mini. And because I wasn't your typical quiet petite girl, I always thought it was something abnormal about me. I was too different.

Today, I'm not the tallest anymore. Nor the loudest. Even with my shrunken social circle after school, I know more than ten people who tower me. With that, I used to tower about three of them. Yashdev used to be really small as a kid and then BOOM secondary 4 he's like a head taller than me. LOL. I don't feel so alien anymore. Growing up, I learnt to love myself a little bit more.

Maybe abit too much.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

*perasan*

I actually kinda miss that old stalky me. ;) And times when I was impulsive and untouched by the complexities of the adult world.

Madefage.

Things I did today in sequence.

1. Disappointed by cinema due to changing timeslots. Sonia and I could possibly the only two poor souls who hasn't seen Avatar yet. =/

2. Walking around aimlessly in City Square.

3. Had Kenny Rogers for lunch. Not the person but

4. Got cheated to spend more at Body Shop X(. But I am quite happy with my purchase.


DAMN IN LOVE WITH THE JAPANESE CHERRY BLOSSOM BODY MIST. YAY YAY YAY YAY!

5. Spent the rest of the afternoon Swimming with my pals.





6. Went to the hot tub.


7. Went Mackers! Addicted to Chocolate Sundaes. :/

8. Went to the playground.




9. Went home.


Now, I'm tanned. And broke. And need a gym membership. :X

Mechanics.

Mechanics are awesome.

*sly*

Today I met someone I wish I hadn't. I believe people who can't get along, should never try. They should never fake it. Even if for some reason they do fake it, it takes a good deal of faking skills to not seem insincere with your body language. I am just not that kind of person who can do that. I'm very direct. It doesn't take rocket-science for people to read me. For some cases, good and for some not so. Of course, this aspect proved to be the worst for one of the most potential friendships I had in life. Lol.

But really. To be honest. There is this part of me that wished I was more forgiving as a person. But one can only tolerate this much. When lines are crossed, there is no turning back.

__________

1. Daiman's new badminton court is awesome! I super love the flooring. It beats wood any day!

2. Malaysian signage must improve. REALLY. (I got lost in Johor after I decided to detour on my way home)

3. Steamboat + Karaoke + BBQ. Omg. Loves.

4. Monopoly City is complicated but fun. HAHAHAHAHA. X)

Haunting.

Some things you see have a haunting effect on you.

Past

We judge.

Yes we all do. There's always an inner bitch inside of us. We bitch about the weather. We bitch about the traffic. We bitch about the country. We bitch about people we don't like. We bitch about the problem housemate. We bitch about almost anything imaginable. Whether if it's on the surface or as a person we see begin to see change, annoy and detest. We just do. We judge em. Yes. We all do.

Quite hesitant to leave the house tmr.

I used to always want to have my own life. But somehow, things turned out different. Now when I get my change, I don't want it anymore.

Funny.

In my first year, before Monash moved into it's current campus, that was the first time I squeezed in the Multimedia Lab with two other partners in crime roving reporters editing a Scholarship ceremony thinggy. THE FIRST THING EVER that we completed. I was looking through my hard drive for it, but I don't have a copy. GARGH. Ok. Anyway, bottom line. I remember how noob it turned out. I am possibly the worst interviewer of all time and I interviewed the principle. XO

So yeh, somewhere towards the end of the sem, when we packed up the multimedia room to move into the canggih one in the new campus. The seniors emo. We just watched them emo. A couple of seniors found packs of Dell Audio systems and along with the one the current editing computer was using. Apparently those were sponsored to the school. We kop lah. I got the one the current computer was using that had random masking tape around the wires and everything.

And after three years, I just want to tell everyone it's still freaking functioning!!! HAHAHAHHHAAHH. Must i be so sentimental about everything?

I'm playing I gotta feeling now with it now.

HAHAHA. Loves.

_________

Back to the past

Slow mo.

Have you ever felt like you were moving in slow motion? And everything rushes past you. - Izzie Stevens.

I grew up holding close onto things that mean a lot to me. Do you remember that one favourite toy that you had as a kid you played with everyday. And then one day it spoils or break. You don't want to throw it out. But your parents want you to. It feels like that for me now.

I feel many truths about life hurts. Am I the kind of person who moves on after hurt? No. Do I expect too much? Yes.

Perhaps I cannot deal with change. Which explains why I am constantly stuck at certain point of my life in fear of it. There's a race. And there's the finishing line. What happens after I cross it? Do I even want to cross it?

Will I come out triumphant with my success or will I cross into murky unmarked territories?

What hurts the most is what happens after that is beyond my control.

I have to soothe this expectation I have to what I was looking forward to. The only way I can do it is not to expect everything to be the same like in the past. And yes I shouldn't. =) I don't think it's disappointment I feel. Just sheer helplessness.

What we had together was great. It's even more special because it's not something I can find back now. And it's not something to be sad about really.

Wish me happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday, Sze.

During a girls day out and a girls night in, I need to find more people to call during awkward moments. O.O

Booyeah.

Shape

It's taking shape.

*sigh of relief*

Not my ass. Not yet at least.

*

[Edit]

2 hours after

Oh no. My proposal too fat. It needs to go on a diet.

A muse

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sohai


I LOLED SO BAD AT JOE'S FB QUIZ HAHAHA.

I know fb quizzes just pick names at random, but ey. The turn out is always funny.

I wonder why Alex isn't on the list...

*waits to feel rage of 5000 suns* Heheheh.

On other Network communication sites,




I wonder how I can be blessed with so much free time.

Where are the fucking jet engines?

In school, we're cheated to believe politicians and the police are noblemen. We grow up to learn otherwise.

In the wake of the religious tensions in Kuala Lumpur, I did not expect myself to return from Australia to this. What happened to the Malaysia I know? Has it always been a beautiful picture painted? Has it always been a mirage? Can't be surely.

When my lecturer protest for fair elections and against corruption, as soon as he opens his mouth and he gets the ISA. Why don't you act the same way for these arsonists and vandals? Why suddenly so inefficient? With you politicising a religious matter that was designed to remove our attention from Altanthunya, Keris, Pendatang, to the jet engines, what are you going to do now it's spiraling out of control. From one religion to another.

I personally don't get the hype. One word, semiotics, and a nation left in unrest?

As far as I'm concerned, those engines could very well be in your pocket. Cover-up more, and Malaysia will have their very own Watergate scandal.

See. We grow up to learn other wise.

You know, it's not that pendatang don't want to leave this country. Even if I buy a one-way-ticket to China, they won't accept me la. Even if they did, my heart won't accept it la. It lies here where I come from. So STFU, do your job and give us some rights!

Chapter 1: I must say

The bravest thing I've done throughout my life is pursuit. Except it didn't work out but still I don't turn back looking at it with regret. The funny thing is, of all my priorities, why don't I have any guts to pursue what I need to, especially right now when I'm at a crossroad in adulthood pretty much forced to decide for my own. I feel like I'm stuck in a round-about and other cars are just not giving way.

Back to the bravest thing I've done. As far as I remember it started out awkward. Ended awkward as well. If genders were equal then girls can ask boys out too, no? Lol! I recognize that exhilaration I felt when he said yes. But knowing that there may've been a possibility that he had a significant other later, weighed a bit over me. He basically left Monash after 1st year and I was left there hanging. Too stubborn to let go. Wondering where he went.

Moving to Australia, was a good step for me because I got to see how things were like away from home. Gippsland was small we knew who-dated-who, who-slept-with-who, who-broke-up-with-who etc. And it's a way of life. Sure there was more freedom there and new things, new people to distract me along the way.

We spoke casually on the net. I've been told time and time again not to but because I know if I don't, I will never have closure to this particular chapter. And I just not much of an Ice-queen to deal with that.

It's been probably 3 years since I sat in the same class as him for FTV. And now he's just left for NY. I'm busy settling with my Honours application and my own plans really since coming back from Australia.

I wouldn't say that I have forgotten him, occasionally I still do look back and think to myself, wouldn't it be awesome if I got to know him in person? But I'm just happy to finally know that at the end of the day, we're great where we are now. And nothing should change for any reason because somethings should just remain that way. It's ironic I still bother to return back to what I've been running away from.

My perceptions of love have changed significantly since then. I believe sometimes coincidences are just coincidences. They shouldn't be seen like a sign of fate and kept romanticized like that because life is just different from all the movie we see. If you think it's going to be like how you see in Film and TV, you will be greatly disappointed, as I was too lol.

Most people see me as the luckiest girl on the planet who has never been hurt and lives without a single worry in the world. I see myself as a person who is incomplete with a void only a lover can fill, without realizing I already have a lot of people who contributes to filling up that void. I guess it's just a matter of perception. The irony. :)

Through the course of my adolescence, as much as I see people getting together, I've also seen many relationships that fall apart and I can tell, being in one is not easy. Perhaps, in someways having this lack won't make me any less complete.

Book closed.

Loves.

For obvious reasons.

Many must be wondering why I've switched my privacy settings. If you get access to my answer, then you must mean something to me.

Put it simply, I just want to remove the limits I've imposed on myself to write what I really want. Not that I am planning to be a politician of sorts (though, I've taken a keen interest in that field since returning from Australia and suddenly notice problems in our system) but through the years I have been blogging, I haven't been completely honest about things that I write. There are a lot of my thoughts that I omit. Boundaries are obviously self-imposed, but now I don't feel I owe up to my readers to a point I marginalize my thoughts.

As a writer, I should be aware of who does read it and who doesn't by limiting it's access, perhaps then I wouldn't have to be too mindful about how I would be judged because people would've already known me can see me and see what I write in the right contexts.

What you'll be reading after this, will be as transparent as it can get. It'll be like purified water!

Quite a failed attempt to be witty. But true.

Haven't had a knack for writing in AGES. Now, I should just try.

No inhibitions. =)

Dead and Gone.

I love it too much to leave. And yet...

Like a jilted lover I feel.

To KL and Back.

For a place I spent 2 years living comfortably, it seems so foreign to me now.

Familiar beach-sand coloured walls, but empty spaces. Any swab of familiarity retained only remains in my head. Ringing and resonating in the corners of my mind. As selfish as I am, it's very different from how I wanted it to be.

Many familiar faces have left the gates of Monash. Spending these few days at the Library made me catch a glimpse of how things are gonna be when I return.

Though I was thankful for Selina, Alex 0, and Prav for driving me around bringing me to meet people and through the course, discover the mechanic-side of me. lol @ Selina =D

I enjoyed myself alot.

Glad I was able to meet up with almost all the people I wanted to meet, all that I wanted to eat, all I needed to do I did during my trip up. And it's just great. Yeap and when it's time to look for a place to stay, I will be back to familiarize myself. =)

_____________

Side note, Airasia played a song that I fell in love with when I touched down in Johor. =)




"I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last"


Loves.

Like the armadale episode.

Looking for a place to stay is a pain.

I'm blogging from

My crummy room in a dodgy hotel. Bad flu = Low productivity.

KL weather not jiving with my body very much.

Eff.

FLU-ed.

Karaoke madness.

I'm blogging from room 42 in the Curve redbox. And it's insane. Our session finished 2 hours ago but this is one, they let us sing until someone pops by to shoo us out. And they didn't shoo us out!!!

But really, awesome but in the expense of my throat. I swear I will lose my voice tmr.

We endured 3 hours of jam. So we're just making the best of it.

Day 2 of KL, I'm getting a flu. :(

Backspace to where it all started.

After this.

Kari Alva Andrew in KL. Another reason to get a better cameraphone.

Monash Library, from where I was sitting.

Art's, science, IT building level 1 entrance.

MSG Laden dish of subang that is loved by many.

Trying to gain momentum.

Six days to get it done. >_< I need will-power of gastronomical proportions.

Sidenote, my new toy is working like a charm. ;) Lol. Heading up to KL on Tuesday, I am quite excited. Haven't seen my friends for a while. Also the Singgy's are going up to KL as well! Woots. So ironic we'll be meeting each other there. So many times planed to go Singkapore tak jadi sigh. So people, this is the ultimate reunion. Lamia-addicts unite! Lol. Pork Burgers here I come! (Also gym/pool after that when I return sigh)

Went to Pontian today for a Seafood lunch. For people who don't know, Pontian is located at the southernmost point of Johor, it's near the sea and really really have cheap seafood restaurants where you can eat at kelong-like eateries. They are also famous for their jelly, keropok and other seafood products which is totally awesome! Boatrides for 5 dollars if you're curious to explore.

It's been so long since we went out that far as a family. Hehe. I enjoyed the food. (Chilli Crab <3) Also, I got to meddle with my Dad's SLR. *evil glint in eye* But it rained on the way back, really heavily, so I didn't take much on-the-road shots. Will post the pictures up soon. Haha. When I feel like it. X)

All in all, I really enjoyed myself since coming home. Haven't stopped moving about since the new years. Haha. It's actually a pretty good start for the year. Oh please please please keep the rest of the year as good as this. Hahahaha.

Side sidenote, my attention schpan is not helping. I have concentration issues. And procrestination issues. Grumble. New years resolution broken on the 3rd day. Spank me.

Again, before I get back to my piled up journals, there was something I said in the car today that I also want to say here. "They say the older you get, the more nostalgic you are." My father agreed almost immediately. Of we both didn't say it out loud but probably secretly agree (yes I am assuming lol my own dad lol) perhaps being all too sentimental isn't a very good trait to have. Because we have to be resilient towards change. Holding on too tightly the past only makes you the opposite.

Something I can be a very good example of.

Apart from dancing, another thing that I cannot do is to let go.

2010 resolution number three.

I don't want to wake up one day and see this change.

Mum is on my Facebook list.

First post of a new year.

Dodgy place with good company > Good place with bad company. =)

First lessons of 2010: alcohol tolerance doesn't depend on race.

I don't know how things would turned out but I could tell a change was going to come. I still miss those times I spent in Melbourne, the same way I missed home while I was there. Today, I am wiping out this nagging sense of loss. It's the company that has a special ability to make everything bad seem wonderful.

This is Melbourne's song. Because there was a female busker who always sung it at Bourke Street, one of those we all loved because she made us feel at ease every time we sat there and chatted. And also because this is sums Melbourne. =)

With love, to people who mattered. To family and friends. My little and not-so-little-anymore cousins who I hope don't stalk my blog but some probably do, jie loves you all. My best buds. Lex, Kanina, and Nia. May 2010 be one with many good returns and even greater learning. We officially part starting this year but 10 years down the road we'll look back and it'll still be the same. Cheers to many years of friendship and more to come. To cacing, Sharveen. YOU invite me for your wedding ah for old times sake. =) Love you loads.

I am really really excited for this year. Although the uncertainties get to me at times, hey? What is life if everything is all planned out like a movie script? Lol.




Happy New Year.