Slow mo.

Have you ever felt like you were moving in slow motion? And everything rushes past you. - Izzie Stevens.

I grew up holding close onto things that mean a lot to me. Do you remember that one favourite toy that you had as a kid you played with everyday. And then one day it spoils or break. You don't want to throw it out. But your parents want you to. It feels like that for me now.

I feel many truths about life hurts. Am I the kind of person who moves on after hurt? No. Do I expect too much? Yes.

Perhaps I cannot deal with change. Which explains why I am constantly stuck at certain point of my life in fear of it. There's a race. And there's the finishing line. What happens after I cross it? Do I even want to cross it?

Will I come out triumphant with my success or will I cross into murky unmarked territories?

What hurts the most is what happens after that is beyond my control.

I have to soothe this expectation I have to what I was looking forward to. The only way I can do it is not to expect everything to be the same like in the past. And yes I shouldn't. =) I don't think it's disappointment I feel. Just sheer helplessness.

What we had together was great. It's even more special because it's not something I can find back now. And it's not something to be sad about really.