Reggae.

I'll never be the same, if we ever meet again. - Katy Perry.


I've been to Petaling Street area for the first time in my life. And I wonder, why no one brought me here before. This is me, and the midnight dodginess of Kuala Lumpur. It's quite a social experience. It's not as dodgy as I thought. Anywhere's good with good company.

The house is empty.

Food for thought: A house is not a home. Home is not always in a house.

Scars and Tattoos.

"TRAUMA , MEMORY AND TRANSFORMATION:
THE MALAYSIAN AND SOUTHEAST ASIAN EXPERIENCE
Monash Sunway Campus - 22-24th June 2010. - DAY 2"

Generally in all histories in South East Asia, traumas are sanitized in invented histories was very intriguing. However, it can be said that these traumas it should be out in the open to remind the young the painful process of Nation building. Just as trauma can be 'scars', trauma can also be treated like a 'tattoo'. - Not in the exact words, however but this is what I got from Farish Noor's talk this morning about 'history'. Even if both lasts forever in every sense of the word, one is seen with regret, the other is accepted as part of life which one lives and moves on. Whether a from a macro standpoint of a nation's history formed through collective memory, or a more micro notion of 'the-self', trauma ideally should be the latter. Or so I wish to turn my scars into tattoos.

side note.

Trauma Conference Day 2 ended with a lot of fangirliness.

Trauma

"TRAUMA , MEMORY AND TRANSFORMATION:
THE MALAYSIAN AND SOUTHEAST ASIAN EXPERIENCE
Monash Sunway Campus - 22-24th June 2010. - DAY 1"

I feel strangely inadequate right now. Oh so many people flashing in front of me induced some psuedo-claustrophobic attack. EESH. But I generally felt today's session was productive.

One mentioned Susan Sontag's theory against interpretation - I miss COM3055. The course as a whole was awesome.

But heres some food for thought.

One session that got me thinking is the one about Acheh where two presenters talks about the dealings with trauma. Where the politics of erasure vs the spiritual Healing of trauma in relation to collective memory (a more macro sense with this term). All in all, I think we all agree that some trauma cannot be expressed in words. Very emotive, very dependent on the human conscious-unconscious. Hence, one of the things these professors + academics argue is that trauma can be described through other forms of art like visual arts, film, music, fiction and etc that may allow the unconscious to seep out.

Personally, I've not dealt with 'trauma' that's as severe as what was discussed today (war, history, natural disaster). I've lost my Wira in 2008, I had to deal with heck alot of drama at Melbourne, I look back and I think: These memories of discontent I deal with it by displacing it on someone or something else.

This must also be why I write Fanfictions.

*

Side note.

I'm never going to buy a second-hand cellphone ever again. I'm fed up. Got fking cheated.

Looking for a safer place to hide.

It's about time I stopped.

Every year I promise myself to be 'true-er' to myself but... there's always a but.

Between pleasing other people and working to gain acceptance, is me and my irrational fear of rejection. I can't rationalize my obsession of being accepted. But truth be told, where I am now. I think I found solace in certain people who will never put me in limbo between acceptance and rejection. I think acceptance doesn't matter as much anymore.

The point is: People are so fluid and fragmented, we get overwhelmed by the different characters, emotions, discourses and opinions. You can't work yourself to please everyone. It's impossible even if you did it at your own expense.

And this part I hate, is choice. Who to please when you're stuck between two?

UGH.

Why do you let me stay here?

This is SHOO CUTE. *500 Days of Summer fangirly screams*.

500 Days of Summer Promo.



The Original. :)




I'm just sitting on the shelf. - She and Him.

I could do better.

Same same but different.

FOX.

ASTRO HAS FOXXX!

FOX HAS FAMILY GUY!

KL HAS NO ASTRO.

=.=

WHAT THE HECK.

To the moon and back.

Savage garden. Yes. I am stuck in the 90's.

Moving on.

I did not eat Katong Laksa.
I did not go to the Pixar's exhibition.
I did not get Universal Studios tickets.
But other places I went were as good during my little getaway.
Now that I'm back and greeted by all the chaos.
Rooting from the Trauma conference.
Chiang Mai trip.
Other responsibilities.
I wonder if it's possible for me to finish my fieldwork in time.

Can kut.

So yes. Now I'm poor and have aching limbs and a stomach that refuses to recover because of dodgy ass char kway teow from Vivo's Food Republic.

Had Fruitips. That tong garden pipe thinggys. Reaped the benefits from the Great Singapore Sale. *yay* Visited the Arts Museum *lovely lovely postcolonialism going on there*. Went to the beach.

And from these 4 days in Singapore I learnt, 7 Eleven is a life saver. WHO'S WITH ME?!

I think I wasn't able to enjoy it as much as I thought I would because this trip came with too much guilt. Don't get me wrong, from that moment I left my passport in KL, there's been too much I needed to sacrifice to go for the trip. Plus, from the very beginning, this trip ALMOST didn't happen. Now I think about my work eeesh. It's sad how I seem to always give in to temptation.

But it was fun while it lasted. =)

Now it's back to the Honours room and that marked proposal lying motionlessly on my table. *gulps*

I hate this part right here.

Merlion.

Will be away fishing for Merlions.

Tight ass budget but I can do this. EUGH. *fingers crossed*

Will be cut off from cyberspace for ze next 4 days.

And...

Alva. I will eat Katong laksa for you. =D

Tomorrow.

My best bud will be stepping on Malaysian soil.

I know it's going to be cheesy but, this person has been there with me since secondary 1 and this semester is by far the first time we've been apart for very the long.

This time has also been rather turbulent but perhaps for the better because we both learnt damn a lot. I discovered things about myself that I didn't know before through this process.

And I hope she buys me red-rock-deli chips. HAHAHAHAHA.

SHO I hope the stupid weather can quickly become better and end the delay, not because of hoping for my best bud can stop waiting at the airport like a goon and actually get access to some in-flight sky-high popular culture brain wash, BUT--

so that I can see her ASAP.

EESH. I eat too much corn.

I'm amused.

To top it all off.

This scene feels so familiar. The whole I'm stuck in the middle feeling only because I can't do anything right.

SIGHHH.

Mr. Sun.

The springtime brings out

The brightest green in things
And tiny sprouts push the soil from their way
Mr. Sun, please don't go away

'Cause the winter saddened all the flowers
And the oceans turned to gray
And the sky cried down for days and days
Mr. Sun, please don't go away

The birds and bees all sing happy things
As they fly into the sky
And lonely trees will grow families in their leaves
Mr. Sun, stay here won't you please

'Cause the winter saddened all the flowers
And the oceans turned to gray
And the sky cried down for days and days
Mr. Sun, please don't go away - Kina Grannis, Mr. Sun.

Better out than in. Lol. Happy. :)

I remember.

I remember that I told myself I will pursue what I want. If I don't get it, I won't have any regrets because I tried.

So what's holding me back?

Random.

How can everything be so random? LOL.

My take.

Dumb down your students and ensure existing power. Very 'smart' move.

Stuffed like a turkey.

Murni franchised. THERE IS A MURNI IN USJ NOW like 15 minutes away from Monash. I just had it! at a really ungodly hour (9.00pm). And the ikan pari damn awesomee. Omgosh. I can't think. Pari + Nasi goreng Chicken chop = My tummy is jumping with joy (Later jumping with agony, but I'll worry about it later).

But this also means I need to make more frequent trips to the park. :S lol.

I don't see how I can lose weight when there's so many good things to eat around Subang. Oh dear. I'll take the stairs to the 6th floor tomorrow.

Apart from Murni, these are alternatives.

1. Bawang Merah (SS12) is a Godsend, it's the only place that makes me go high on Kuih. Has THE best cuffypuffs IN THE WORLD (okay la, the best is in Melbourne, but not edible one teehee). So okay, the best edible currypuffs that I go gaga over on twitter comes from here. Opposite SJMC, not difficult to get there.

2. Melur (ss19) has the BEST roti canai ever. It's not elastic or thick. It's really like crispy on the outside, fluffed on the inside very light when you crave for something yummy when you are not hungry. People might not agree with me, but I feel it's truly worth trying.

Waking day.

Each waking day is another day I tell myself it's okay.

Bad.

I never wanted something so bad.
Bernini found it on the net.

Gave it to me. *Thankew pirate arr lol*.

And now I want it MORE.

ARGH.

Indie like anything in the world!

I hope Singapore has it.

Walking Advertisement.

With no offence to Monash Malaysia (and the fact that they're the ones making me 30 bucks richer by employing me as a student helper yesterday during the open day), I found it difficult to wholeheartedly promote 'journalism' as a major because of a pretty obvious lacking.

I was in charge of the Journalism Lab with another girl. We both feel the pride in arts, we were really keen to watch the gleaming eyes of the unsuspecting 'victim' of Freud and Foucault. LOL. There were a couple, which was good. BUT Of course, there's also a couple of kids who were skeptical about the Arts. They take a peek in the room and don't even step in to hear what we have to say. Some families who leave halfway during the session and well, is Arts really at the bottom of the heap? For those who weren't interested, we still promoted our cool subjects as an elective. Come try our subjects and die and see if you think it's 'easy'. nyehehe.

On my part, I thought it was difficult to promote something that someone had a vague idea on. So half way through everything I say seemed scripted and insincere or I run out of things to say... Bleah. I liked watching those kids go gawk excitedly at what we do though. And some parents who were impressed with what we learnt. There was one mother and another family who was very accommodating. Eee. Nice people DO exist!

But it was at lunch, when I randomly met a peer who suddenly brought up the topic about Gippsland, with a look almost close to 'dread' on his face, which I have to admit, I had before going to Gippsland. Munching my food half way I thought to myself. "omg what are you talking about! Gippsland is awesome!" and whatever I enthused after that literally gave me a body lift, if not my body at least the corners of my mouth. In a split second, I become a walking Gippy advertisement. Gippsland should pay me. :)

I miss Gippsland still. The long vline train rides and the scenery. Unlike the Melbourne city or Malaysia, I left Gippsland wondering when I will come back. Because of it so far off and once the people I've got to know has left, will I ever have a reason to return to the little cow country town of Churchill?

Dawning.

Those 20 minutes plus never seem to want to end. Today, it FINALLY dawned upon me.

Triple that.

imagine what you are doing now - just triple that... - YSG.


Omgeee.

World in front of me.

Feel this.

Go to http://www.myspace.com/kinagrannis

Other feel good songs.




Courtesy of Alex.



Yep, loop it to ease your nerves people.

I think

HOOOOKAY. I was INCREDIBLY chilled when people are stressed. It suddenly dawned upon me that I WILL BE PRESENTING IN FRONT OF

an anthropologist
a feminist
a literature critic
a film critic
a political scientist
no make it two, only difference is the second one is a professor.
and like a couple of others who are great in journalism, international studies.

It's not that I can't count I just don't want to. This is possibly the first hurdle, I consider my first hurdle, in Honours.

As you can tell, YES. I AM OVERSPILLING.

People get it. I don't get why I need to reiterate it all over again. People who know me well enough know inside this little bubble is not air. It's volatile and once it pops, something nasty creeps out. Which I find really disgusting sometimes. I'm either uptight and really occupied with my conscience. But when I loosen up, it seems like I lose my conscience.

I have a habit of randomly over-spilling because I don't express myself very well. It took me long enough to just eff the whole thing and just get out there and DO something instead of being stuck in that bubble which I'm comfortable in.

I really do miss that bubble. Right now, I'm just not being something I am.

At times, I feel like I'm being pushed to the corner. Only adjusting to that corner only adjusting because I'm forced to. I'm so bent on sucking everything in I can't find the right balance. There's going to be a point when I can't take the pressure, I make decisions I regret.

But it's too late now right to say things like that?

Hormones talking. I'm reconsidering this. I know I say even if this kills me I won't give up. Now I am thinking. "How did I end up here?" Did I take the getting-out-of-comfort-zone-agenda the wrong way? Or did I do this just to stay in my comfort zone because of my irrational fear of office politics. The irony.

But it's too late right? Wednesday is just 4 days away.

Don't know why I didn't come.

They say it's easier to like people you don't know.

Hope.

Hope is a waking dream - Aristotle.

Little Miss Whoops.

My blunders only get funnier.

For the first time.

For the first time today, I heard someone's life story and actually felt tears brimming in my eyes.

Such a strange and emotional day for us. Ugh.

*

When we we inebriated-

We talked about

1. the past.
2. the possibility of my current muse being gay. (lol)
3. more on the past.
4. moments of impulsion. Which for a split second I would've totally given into IF I HAD ACCESS TO FACEBOOK. (Technology sucks).
5. Independence and love.

Even if the course is only going to last for one year, it's pretty unforgettable.

My shoepig.

From this.




To this.



:)

Longest.

This has been the longest time (4days lol) I have not updated since starting honours. As you can tell, things have been rather unlucky for me lately. But I am blogging to say my unlucky spells are OVER.

I just need to be more alert and all these unlucky nonsense will go away.

It's difficult to have something lost or broken especially when it has sentimental value. I have a hard time letting things go until I'm in the station and something instinctively tells me 'no you're not going to find it back'. Which after my ordeal to Putrajaya and back, I am more and more accepting of it.

Things haven't been all that unlucky even. I had friends who followed me to the respective offices knowing

1. My hate for them gov offices/police stations.
2. My noob-ness with KL roads.

Just thinking about what was coming made me dread the week. But now that I have renewed/remade whatever that need to be recovered. I can finally move on in life.

What I lost isn't worth as much compared to what I had inside. :(

But after this, I realized I didn't need it as much.

And even if I can't get it back again, it wouldn't stop reminding me about the times I've spent collecting those things I lost.

Limbo.

Despite being slightly inebriated at Sid's today. I remember I was told.

"You people have the obligation to stay in Malaysia."

I said, I will if you become Prime Minister.

What's gonna happen after Honours? Feels like third year again.

Losing it. Lost.

Ok. It's not everything so don't mope. DON'T. I FORBID YOU SZE TO MOPE.

.
.
.

Okay, if i can brave the rain, I can also brave the lengthy journey back from Tokio. Tokio Hotel's front man is INCREDIBLy smexyE. Someone new to objectify. Good show. Good gig. Great showmanship. Local acts are improving. Tokio Hotel so much better live. Seriously left me wanting more. They encored and Sung Monsoon in German. SUCH A SEXYNAZI. Now I'm just being politically incorrect. LOL.

REALLY REALLY enjoyed the show. One of the best gigs I've been too so far.

Thanks again Minni for the tickets :)

Incompetence

I stared at that pair of eyes peering through those thick rims. Switching alternatively from the longsighted one to the short sighted one. Thrusting candid comments as you read through my bad grammar. LOL.

And I thought to myself, is this what you do for a living? You just jot down what you see with that pair of eyes, publish it into an article/book. You mark like ten thousand essays and teach ten thousand kids and ten thousand lectures and deal with ten thousand typo errors.

But you're only one person.

I can only shy away with my incompetence.

Honours.

I don't feel very Honourable now.

The never ending demand.

Karaoke anyone?

Sekian,

Nyek nyek nyek *gets smacked by Bernie, Paulista, Naya*

Do it.

So that I can turn back and look at myself and agree it's now or never.

Train of thought.

Hunger.

Go to school 7 days a week as opposed to drinking 'yumcha-ing' once a week. Typically have 2 solid meals (one often consist of recommendations by my partners in crime) and snacks in between because we can practically LIVE there. Maybe Dr Sony was right. We ARE running a cafeteria. Getting there at least. Dr. Yeoh awarded us as the hungriest bunch of Honour students. Well, he's right too. What else?

One's crushing under the work pressure. Two sick. Me developing some sort of diability where I'm unable to open my eyes for long. You know, if hunger was our bee-gest problem we wouldn't be like that.

But since we're talking about hunger.

I HAD THE BEST COOKIE EVER TODAY LIKE THE BEST ORAL/TUMMY ORGASM ONE CAN GET SORTA GOOD. IT IS SOOOOOO GOOD.

Random Google image - From Bangsar Village Grocer where we also got our Bundaberg's ;)

It's like an extended version of Cold Storage with actual expats shopping there. BUT LIKE COLD STORAGE THEY DO NOT HAVE RED ROCK DELI! Gyaaaaaa! *slash wrist*

Stop and Stare.

The next overly imaginative member of the male species who stares at what I (or you, if you want to be part of this little revolution/movement of sorts) wear will get flicked off. The problem is no female is brave enough to retaliate it makes it so that it is 'okay' to stare (I'm not acting on it yada yada yada). Let's get the point across. No, it is not. It's not right staring infringing on other people's privacy. People have gotten killed just because of staring incidents. If killing wasn't illegal, you would too.

The whole ogling eye shit from both men (and ironically some women omg why why why). Seriously are you that free? Don't you have other better things to do? You want me to swear off shorts and tank tops in this frikking sahara?

Apparently a stare isn't enough these days. I stare at them, they don't seem to look away instead we get embroiled in a silent staring game like there's no tomorrow. It takes damn alot of mind-boggling self control to walk-off okay and fuming for the next half an hour.

Damn you, Freud. Penis envy my ass.

Green.

Editing at 4am in the morn tend to be fruitless.

Anxieties aside.

It's a green day. Happy Earthday everyone. There's this wear green movement in conjunction with that. Quite LOL. I even brought my shrek ears to complete my look. LOL. And I really needed it coz my hair is all out of shape covers my face all the time it's annoying.

It's either shrek ears or a haircut.

I think this time round, I'll go with the ears.

Bah.

This is gonna hurt. So bad.

Food for thought.

Shopping is like paying for expensive multiple orgasms.

Is it easier?

If it's harder to live in reality. Would it be easier to live in a world of fantasy?

I doubt so.

30 waking hours.

I spent 30 waking hours (45 minute nap in between lol) pretty productive today. Alex came over to Uni for lunch. For people like us who are still part of Monash, we will prefer to distance ourselves from the cafeteria. I figured out certainly his arrival had something more that just to satisfy is Indomie + chicken thingys craving. He still went for it despite my warning. Funny stuff.

A year ago, it's pretty difficult to visualize how any of my partners in crime can be hardworking model citizens of Malaysia. Right now, it's actually happening. One of us is about to put on a nicely pressed collared shirt and slacks and submit himself to the capitalist world out there. Haha. It's not that bad lah. Betcha there's a bunch of hot chicks there.

And another friend, has walked on stage with a square hat! HAHA. ALVA! Congratulations. Long awaited ceremony lol. You musto love it. Haha. I bet you're damn happy you're bombarded with stuffed-toys and gifts. :) Even happier you got to sing K. ZOMGGGG. It was love right? Don't deny. Inseparable from that phallic object with a sponge at the other end.

I woke up. at 12.30. I slept for 13 hours in total. Damn thankful I didn't sleep while driving back. Gyahh.

SIGS

I suddenly feel immense pride in my School. After all, it was once upon a time huge back in the day. Zainah Anwar, of Sisters-in-Islam, one of the leaders of the progressive feminist Islamic movement, is from SIGS.

I have only faced an open racist taunt once from a teacher throughout 5 years I've spent there, with a blank shocked look I stared, the teacher responded "I am only stating the fact". Saleha was her name, a total contradiction to that veil she was wearing.

We bitched among ourselves, never brought it up to the big people. Thought it was going to get me expelled. Wasn't much of a rebel as I thought I was. Until today, I cannot forget how the anger boiled in me having to sit at the same table as her. And when she left, I blew.

I have faced numerous other 'race' based bias in respect to the co-curriculum sector. Red tapes and permission issues. Even if I wasn't the one directly dealing with the teacher, this was one of the demotivating factor that makes me regret to even want to be part of something.

Racism even existed between those who were teaching. What kind of students are they going to mould if they are so bent on reinstating the wrong discourse?

Once upon a time, this didn't exist. This is the reason SIGS's 'hugeness' was once upon a time.

I hope they try hard enough to get it back.

Hatemail to Insecurity.

HEY YOU'RE A MONSTER!

Since now.

It's been countless of times I've taken a plane to and fro from KL and back. And for every trip, the first thing I do when I look at my boarding pass is hope that I will get a (Number)A/F because it's the window seat.

This time I got lucky.

16F.

Phillip Wang once blogged about how everyone young or old will always gaze out the window when the plane takes off. We like to look at how the people, buildings and terrains from a top-view. I can't agree more.

For that long essay I've been working on I've been sleeping in the day and staying up at night since friday. I had no sleep before hopping onto the plane. I was surprised I could stay up the whole 45 minutes.

I feel at ease. As long as I'm at the window, even if it's the longest plane ride ever, and it's a painful journey to leave home or leave where I've gained the most life changing experience ever. I think sitting there would've helped a bit.

Looking back, I don't get this often. I either give it away or I'm just not quick enough. Plane rides are awesome.

Family Guy and Glee cross over.

QUAGMIREWTFLOL.

For granted.

Oh yep. I take a lot of things for granted. Sometimes friends. Sometimes family. God, I know it's quite blasphemous to say, but that figure is pretty much non-existant in my life right now but it doesn't matter much growing in a family of atheists that only believes in doing good. The fact that I don't have much financial anxieties or have ever *touchwood* needed to see my parents divorce. People who taught me. Yet with all those WHO WERE DEDICATED and actually gave a shit, I let laziness cling on to me like how a possessive lover with a personality disorder that is impossible to shake off. The roof above my head. The other roof above my head. KL is love. The food on my table. My two limbs. My two arms. My intact fingers. My 5 senses. Astigmatism DOES NOT count as a disability. My good healthy body minus indigestion. Not in a war torn country.

Ok fine. I won't count my pimples...

The atmosphere.

Very choking and sinus inducing. :/

I cannot deal with stubborn people.

And that I am at the verge of exploding at his stubbornness. Stubbornness can get in the way of a lot of things, especially people. REALLY.

Show me the Money.

Blogged by - Wongfu Ted Fu.

LOL.

Work.

Ok. I will start work tomorrow. I know I said this yesterday but tomorrow, it will be different. I will start for sure. Without a doubt. Tomorrow is the day. There isn't a better day. I will not be distracted by Facebook and twitter or the Discovery Channel or Travel And Living or Starworld and E! and fishville, gave that up a long time ago. Feel an occasional want to see what my tank has become but no. I will not succumb.

Maybe Glee.

Just a small town girl.

JB is barely entertaining without a car.

I woke up this morning.

Regreting last night.

*



Side note, my uncle and his wife from St Jose and his sister, my aunt who took care of me in Australia, came to Johor today. My cousin, Chelsea (not Man U lol) from the US is a half korean mix chinese baby. She is the cutest most brilliant thing alive! *squish* It was funny at the dinner we had today. She was like the center of attention but only one person had her attention. (Sadly, it wasn't me). HAHAHA. You know who you are.

Never let me go lolololol.

Another cute cousin to add on to my cousins-to-bully-collection. Or maybe I just gained an extra cousin who could potentially abuse me.

Like as if I haven't been abused enough sighsighemoemolol

It's good either way.

LOL. The greatest Easter ever. =)

Revelation.

There were reasons why I can be taken in and then taken out and wavering between the two in accepting somebody.

I think, in my life there is only this one other person I was never able to wholeheartedly accept.

Myself. My intuition.

Fake.

Let's face it, half of the conversations you have on facebook in a day are meaningless. If not meaningless, it's less meaningful than having a conversation in real life. Do you know the how it feels the in-person-ness in conversations? It's like the excitement, the direct response, the emotional build-up, everything comes one shot like a complicated gush of exhilarating complex mix of feelings that flows in your veins and stimulates your brain and make you feel like your medula-oblongata is about to burst. Those chat programs and social networking sites? It's just not the same. It's fake. The problem is beyond semiotics here. The ultimate fake and yet sooooo many people fall for the fakeness of it and get hurt by the fakeness of it believing it's the truth.

Me being one of them right now because it seems like the most real thing to me. The closest I can get to these people in the midst of everything. Something of comfort. Something that I can do to remind people that I still exist. Something that I can do to feel a little bit of love being so far apart. Something like what a jilted lover would do onto that lover that she still can't forget.

I have never never missed anything so badly before in my life. I always kept important things close. I somehow, probably lucky or somewhat blessed, always had people around me. In my darkest bleakest times to my happiest times to my drunk times. But this year, I have probably the longest list of people that I miss and also action I'm missing out on... ><

*

I believe in justice. I believe in this big fat word call Karma. Fk this, I believe in a lot of shit but I know this two prevails. In my government it fking doesn't but I know elsewhere it will. It does. It's been too long collecting all the bad karma and keep it from spilling. When I wake up in the morning, I can wake up with something new in my head.

We get that. That one person who appears and screws around and manipulate people's lives for their own selfish whims and fancies. I got mine. Have you?

回家.

Although there is work.

I DAMN EXCITED TO GET AWAY FROM MSG LADEN FOOD.

SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY IS STONING DAY.

Just discovered today my dad's been on leave for 2 weeks for a minor operation.

GYAAAAAHHHHH!!! ><

NOBODY TELL ME GYAH XO

I'm not sure if it's a good idea to put posters like that in the Honours room. But since non of us are suicidal yet, it should be ok.

*cuts ribbons*

YES. WE HAVE MOVED.

Side note:



IT MUST BE LOVE.

Talk

There's this talk tmr about Najib and his administration that I have to attend. *gyah*

In the midst of a conversation about it on the way back, I was talking to N, my classmate, that something felt like a few years of oppression in terms of raced-based nationalism in the country. She's awesome, speaks with an American accent and has a thing for french/artsy movies and actually thinks Stewie from family guy is cute, the progressive type, I tend to forget that she's Malay sometimes. Now, I look back at what I have said and can't help but feel insensitive about my comments I've thrown, that I admit, in a way that what a Communications student shouldn't have put it so 'crudely', that there should've been some sophistication in my argument, or at least some objectivity.

I truly, really wish for that utopian 1Malaysia to materialize someday. Really wished that meritocracy cuts across all skin colour, all languages and all Malaysians. No more politicising race. No more corruption. No more corrupts getting away from the law. I don't care if this is wishful thinking, but once in my life, I was ignorant and believed it was supposed to be as it is, without question. Now, I just don't know how long I can live in limbo any longer.

It's only the beginning.

At the back of my head, I hear this really sinister laugh. I'm not sure who was laughing. But there is.

THIS.

REALLY.

SINISTER.

LAUGH.

Literary Theory.

Literary theory is of recent vintage. Since entering the scene after World War II

Facebook: 5 minutes.
msn: 10?
Twitter: 2 minutes.

, it has had a considerable impact on the main concern of the humanities: the interpretation of texts. Intepretation had long been understood as an activity...

Fishville: 10 minutes.
Msn
Soompi.


GARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. When will I ever finish reading.

LOL.

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php

Soulmates.

A friend asked me today, you believe in fate?

I could ramble on forever.

My reply was almost instantaneous.

I only speak for this moment in time, now. Until something in the future comes smacking me in the face to prove otherwise, I don't believe in fate.

See, I used to be a firm believer of this thing called 'fate' and all this romanticized notion of 'true-love'. And that there is only one for you and that one person is out there, and all you have to do is wait for him to appear and you will know it's him when that person sweeps you off your feet.

PLEASE LAH. =.=

Unless you think you're living in a Korean drama or a Taylor Swift music video, you can just sit on your butt and settle for someone who is your 'true-love' and credit that to fate - this invisible, all-mighty governing cupid-ish force that brings people together because you have just been systematically brainwashed by (insert age here) years of Disney, sappy love songs (and their really bullpoop music videos), the idiot box, chick flicks, valentine's day cards and romance novels like how I have been before I had my moment of epiphany.

I don't know, but i feel fate doesn't exist on its own. You need to make things happen, your fate lies in your hands and what you make out of it. You wanna call that fate, suit ya self. I call it effort. This whole notion of true love, it doesn't exist out of thin air. Whether two person are suited for each other don't depend on some stupid inscription aka Fate that the big-guy-up there has prepared from the moment of conception. It depends on what these two people are willing to do to adjust to one another in a specific amount of time (which normally, is forever, but of course not always the case for everyone). It depends on what great lengths two people are willing to go to keep the flame burning.

On this note, I'm not saying opposites cannot attract, or people who are similar will have a better chance in lovers for life. Just because Science exist it doesn't mean everything can be measured and predicted. It's more of a trial and error kind of thing. Just go for it. If it doesn't work out, heal. Let go. Try again. It doesn't mean that you've lost the love-of-your-life and your happiness is forever doomed (tchyeah easy for you to say). No seriously. If you stop believing in THE-ONE, and turn to the another-one, another-other one, it'll be a whole lot easier. Don't remain stuck in time for too long. Because age is a bitch. And by the time you realize all you've been chasing for is nothing but a mirage, it might be too late and time is also a bitch because it doesn't wait.

If fate can really bring two people together the most bizarre ways imaginable, (insert typical subway, elevator, escalator going on both opposite directions scene) and because of that it's-a-sign-that-he-is-the-one-even-if-you-don't-know-if-he-smokes-pot-and-raped-a-horse-or-something-dodgy-like-that, whooakay. o.O I'm no expert, but that ain't love man.

That's like... psycho. Or so it occured to me.

Sometimes coincidences are just coincidences, and nothing more.

No official ethnographic work done to prove whatever I said but all this theological humbug about fate and 'the-one-true-love' is crazjee.

People cheat. People fight. People get hurt. People drift apart.

Love isn't pure and simple at all.

Love needs a new definition.

Disney makes it look too fking easy.

This one-true-love thing doesn't exist. One-true-love only exist as a social construct to make sex legit to continue the human race. I'm a skeptic so sue me. I think, it is possible to feel that special connection with more than one person throughout your life. And also, society's to be blamed for people who think otherwise.

But of course, who am I to speak? The closest I've been to love is one that is unrequited.

Ephiphany.

I am alive and well.

I am alive and well.

There's no real love in you.

Tokio Hotel coming to KL. ZOMG.

Banana Dance.

Free Pizza and extra.

Remember Me (2010)

I think this brings a whole new meaning to life and death. Things we take for granted and things that we do everyday. In many instances in the movie, minus the pace that was too slow for my liking, I felt there was this underlying message they were trying to send out.

That is, at any instance, without warning, you can lose the chance of doing what you have to do in life. And to live life to the fullest and most importantly move on.

Significantly better acting from Robert Pattinson. :)

I wouldn't say it's a love story. I felt there was more to it. It was really thought provoking at some moments, depressing at others. Then happy intervals in between until the almost brutal cinematic end. I like what I saw.

Side note:

DAMN YOU ZAMAN KUNO CENSORSHIP BOARDD.

Rain tiptapping against the window.

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me - BJ Thomas. =)

I don't know the words without google, but this tune is looping in my head.

=)

Yap Ah Loy, Little India and PWTC.

The epitome of Nerding. Book hunting and fieldwork of sorts all in one day.

"The Malaysian Mansion" is actually a hostel-area for migrant workers, particularly of Indian descent. Used to be residential areas for the squatter people in KL in a really distant past.

And we got to see it.

FB ALBUM HERE.

This was probably the highlight apart from the biggggg book exhibition in PWTC. Two words to sum it up crowded and huge.

And I finally got my sundae =D and 2 other ice creams. Ice cream potong and Ice cream roti.

Sore throat brewing. o.O

This came late.

My coursemates. Jacqui far left followed by Natasha, Neneng, Belinda and Marina. Jacqui and Marina happened to be the first few people I spoke to during my first few days in Monash in orientation. X)

Joyce, the person who could balance up the atmosphere with some gilarness, Gippy people with fellow Zeming, Myii, Alva, Andrew and Kanina always up to some thing at the south houses. LOL. Much loves. Awesome company.

Not your average lecturer monash father-figure Dr. Yeoh, someone to look up to and know that I am in good hands.

Alex, the buddy who keeps my feet very firmly to the ground when I'm hovering up there somewhere and made difficult times easier. The one who came when many couldn't to hand me my graduation bear. Thankew. =)

My family, Dad, mum and Sze Wei, the ones who made this all possible. Thank you for your love and support and believing in me when I chose this path.

A non sequitur.

My chancelor looks like Dr. House.

To people who couldn't make it, it doesn't make me love you all any less. HAHA. =)

In lifts, we talk.

In my GND class, I spoke to an Australian exchange student who happened to be in my group discussion. Never caught his name. It was Breen, I think, something along those lines. After class, we went our separate ways only to meet at the main door to building two. We chatted. We both thought the movie aired during the last 45 minutes of class was whack. Lift doors open. I talked about Australia, and what flooded my mind was the fun times I had possibly one of the greatest times and lessons of my life. I found out he was 4th year double majoring in Law and Arts. Lift doors open. Level 5. He steps out.

Deathly silent.

I fall back for a moment.

Doors open. Level 6.

Snapping out of it. I remind myself.

He's serious, black and white, straight with edges.

I un-serious someone with colour and curves.

It's been so many years and I know that.

那些片段 還在不在.

Things.

As many of you all may already know, it's the start of a new semester and my homies have officially parted X( BOO YOU PEOPLE. Heheheh just messing. Waiting patiently for the holidays you people BETTER COME BACK. *violent streak* :)

Myii, Kari, Alvaa + 1 (insignificant lol) in Melbourne. Sonia's in Perth. Zem's in Kepong and Alex in Shah Alam which are just dandy. My boat-people (since we're all in the same boat fighting the Homi Bhabha storm at sea lol) are super which leaves me pretty occupied on and offline. Heh heh. With people around, I know entertainment is just a phone call away =)

I know I've been complaining a lot, sinking a bit and yada yada about my little 'plight' in most of my previous posts but I'd be honest, I'm really getting the whole independent vibe now. It isn't all that bad.

It's actually pretty good because there are thing that you will see, certain things that your attention suddenly become more focused upon when you are on your own. So I'm going to list out ten things of what I like about now.

1. Own Crib.

I'm really loving this new crib. I'm currently staying at a low-rise apartment-ish area near Damansara Jaya. The access routes are great. Unlike Subang, it's quieter and spacious, since it's far off from dense student populated areas. I like personal space and silence. It gives me enough to keep myself sane from the workload I'm expecting this semester. Of course, the first few days when I lived on my own here it felt abit empty, but I live with a distant cousin now (she owns the place), so short conversations at night really makes a difference.

2. Food.

Cooking's an issue but I still try to as much as I can. There's only this amount of MSG one can take before signs begin to show on the scalp. LOL. So, I've been experimenting pasta recipes and such. Even though I'm sick of pasta, I quite like being able to choose what and when to eat and whether to eat or not. Choices at home are limited really. We don't eat out often and my maid doesn't know how to cook like western dishes and what... japanese dishes? Also, I seem to be the only one in the world who likes subway. LOL. So this wins. Home cooked food is awesome really. I always eat at home when I have the chance to. However, since it's for a family, like I rarely get to decide when to eat. It breaks my daily momentum sometimes and being late at the dinner table for a middle-class chinese family is rude so... yeah. I become rude sometimes :S. Another thing is being able to skip meals! HAHA THE JOY! I hope my mother doesn't see this. But I don't skip often coz there's always this nagging voice behind my head that tells me I shouldn't. Often, I give in. :/

3. Reading.

I consider myself more of an interactive-type of person. While I like having my alone-time, too much becomes difficult to handle. You know, the amount of time I spend interacting now is really the opposite of me and my 'busy' schedule during the holidays. LOL. It's great to hang out with friends and I learn to appreciate that, and a whole lot of other things I had along the way. I grew to depend on books to fill my time. Not exactly the 'books' I'm required to read though, I know I shouldn't avoid it but I will now when I can. HAHA. People who know me well enough, (or my attention-span rather) knows I always stop reading a novel halfway or simply take too long to finish. Reading just wasn't my thing last time and I rarely had time for this kind of leisurely reading hehe. My new hide out in malls is bookshops. Because it's quiet and it kills time (coz I'm cheap and i like to leech off free air-con and couches oww my poor legs). At times when I'm done it's too early to go home, MPH the next best thing.

4. Shopping.

Oh hell. It's not supposed to happen. Most of the days I just stay home but if there is ever an urge for me to go out and indulge... LOL. YES. I indulge. Like today. (regret) Super poor now. I bought a pair of heels on discount, 3 books from popular on discount tooo~ and a checkered collared shirt from forever 21 (IWISHEDTHEYGAVEMEDISCOUNT). Did that all under 3 hours. LIKE WHOA. I should switch my debit card to a normal atm card. o.O Maggi for the rest of the week. *tightens belt*

5. Friends.

By far, meeting new people and getting acquainted with old ones is what I haven't been doing in a while. That extra step taken to say hi isn't like slaying the Bandersnatch HEH HEH ALICE IN WONDERLAND FTW but it is pretty noble if you knew what the person feels at the receiving end. See. I didn't know much about this until here I am today. =)

*

MONASH CAR PARK SUCKS BIIIIIIIIIIIG TIME.

Car in need of car wash because of alternative parking zones. Monash dirtied my baby. Angreee.

Recipe for disaster.

There are times I have verbal diarrhea and other times I become verbally constipated. And so, politics is not for me.

Been doing Fiske, and he mentions Bourdieu. Now I really see that my initial research is flawed as hell. Kinda get why I can only come up with a proper research question after doing this. Whatever I came out with prior to that seems so narrow now.

First Honours assignment dateline drawing closer. Early April is 2 weeks away. :S

WTBFO.

Sigh.

The remains of the day.

Like the book,

to move on with the little left of my life after my decision to pursue when it had already been too late is

harder than

to move on with decades of my life knowing at least I tried.

I have funky grammar so sue me.

Yeh. Next up, Murakami.

Graduation.

I don't FEEEEEEL like a Monash graduate.

Can't get anymore personal than that.

You remember those role-playing games you play. You roll up an A4 paper and tie it with a ribbon, tie a blanket around your neck like a cape/robe. No hat but it doesn't matter. You make your walk up the stairs and proud and all, mimicking what you see on the Brands' essense of Chicken or Milo adverts. LOL.

Those were the kind of ads that romanticised the whole 'mother' tears when child graduates thing. But I don't FEEEEEEL it. Don't get me wrong, my parents are proud of me and all that. But I don't feel like this is, as far as it goes, the proudest moment of my life. That this is actually the start of something that I potentially might like, but still have no clue of.

I know part of the reason why my graduation didn't seem like anything at all I expected as a kid, is because I have class at 9.00am today. X( BOOO @ Timing. LOL. But after catching up with my friends for a while, I realized there a number of them who are already working, and a number of those who are looking for work.

I wonder, what does it feel like to be them?

For me, the ceremony yesterday felt a lot more 'real'. Of course we can question 'realness', like it's happening, at this moment, at this very second I get 5 seconds on stage to take a piece of paper I worked hard for.

As soon as took off my robe, it's symbolic in a sense that, I'm no longer an undergrad student. I'm being thrust into this whole of set of responsibilities (which I actually 'failed' to fulfill today bummer).

It's like. No more running around the house naked or in a robe with a rolled up A4 paper in your hand. You gotta get out there. And be a somebody. Not just a graduate.

Dogs.

Dogs are funny.

They lick their nose and they even lick their butt.

They lick their bodies and can't stop if they start.


Puppies are cute when they don't bite.

But once they become dogs,

they learn to fight.


Dogs bite shoes.

So they're often kept away.

Dogs can find another chew toy anyway. ;)


Some dogs are living in packs

and some dogs live on their own.

Some dogs live in a nice cozy home.


But some feel locked up in a cage

With no master to hold.

While some are set free, abandoned and thrown.


There are happy dogs,

and dogs that don't feel.

Lucky ones and those who will never know if their emptiness will be filled.



Good for those that are spoilt by a good master.

Good for those with food, family and a home.

Praise those in the wild who survive another day on their own.


The rule of nature was never complicated.

To live is to have the will to live.

and even more will to not let your life be wasted.



Its simple.


Dogs are so funny.

Dogs are what we need to think about

When we are sad and whiny. =) - Sze.

Honours year making me feel very literary. But this is so third grade. =.= Never mind. Not shy about my third grade brain.

To focus list:

Finish presentation by today.
Start bibliography tomorrow.
Critical review finish by Sunday before Family comes.

To do list.

Bring family to Kayu on Monday.
Shop for graduation outfit soon.

To buy list.

Cotton Bud.
Petrol.

MOOAN.

Wheels.

I'm tyre changing fabulous person.

Dreams.

Primary school comfort food. :)


Day 2,

I'm starting to get dreams of Dr Yeoh piling on work.

O.O

And when I woke up this morning, it came true. =____________= HAHAHAHAHHA WEIRD OK.

Honours year is getting me.


Apart from that, Ikea Meatballs is LOVE. Not mash today :/. BOO. But apparently in Swedish,this thing is called köttbullar. Ugh. I would've gotten frozen ones if I had a freezer LOL.

Words.

Other words you can't put into action.

First class.

I had my first class today. Apparently the number of honour students this year is the highest by far so it is really really comforting to know that I'm not alone in this uphill battle with... hmm, books? (Deadlines rather). YAY YAY YAY YAY. From now I will bang through. And somebody is burning rubbish because there's this smoke smell coming in from my window but its not possible because it's raining how can there be fire when it's raining and

Downsides, I discovered the due date for my thesis is on October the 22nd. *headdesk* I'm permitted to party all night after I finish. LOL.

From the way I am writing, you can tell alot about my attention span.

The cruelest kind.

Third day. I feel my spirits dip a little.

This feels oddly familiar. Chin up, looking at nothing in particular. Just walking rounds and rounds, riding escalators. Popping into Jusco hoping to find something I can purchase and then Cold Storage (There's no Red Rock Deli chips... NOOO!).

But it passes time. And in the mean time I can enjoy the air con and hide away from the blistering heat and all.

But if there's one thing I hate about living by myself in Kuala Lumpur, it's eating alone. I can't stand eating alone. *bitchfit* (Ok give me a week and I'll adjust.) Lol. Besides I'm not the kind who starves, so yea.

Still, going out isn't like last time anymore. I realize it takes a greater amount of energy to step out of home on your own and even greater mind boggling self control to not look back at how things were before.

If that was some elaborate ruse to get me to like you, well. It worked.

Full graphic blog here.

A couple more things.

One can only depend on starbucks so long. :/ WOOOOO!

HALLELUJAH

*SENDS OUT SOME CELCOM BROADBAND LOVES. (until i use it long enough to know if it sucks)



Moving on, a couple more things that amused me today.

my bookstand. LOL. Good things comes in pairs.

My new chucks. WHOHOO!!! I'm loving KL shopping selections.

I know I know. The irony. My mother's words to me before I left was "don't buy anymore shoes". O.O

I think deep inside she knows I can't keep to that.

Ikea on Monday (Class also on Monday *head desk*). Auntie's place on Sunday. One more thing that really really amused me was Jian Wen, my nephew (zomg i'm an aunt). I'll remember to take a picture next time.

A couple of things.

These are a couple of things that amused me today.

Spotted at the Living Cabin.

Uber cute.

Mannequin at Ruffey I.D.

BAHAHAHAHA.

1. Laptop is in tip top condition.
2. Bought a printer.
3. Bought SmartTag. Ultimate Rip off.
4. Bought Converse Shoes. FINALLY.
5. BAHAHAHAHAHA ANGPOW MONEY FINISH CRY CRY.

Humility

DND.

Do not disturb: Fishvilling in Starbucks.



All the more I need to be disturbed. O.O

My tea latte's gone cold. T__________T

It says it all.

This is where I catch the trains I miss.

추노/Chuno (2010)

Oh Ji Ho in some lalang infested area.

Recommended by my close friend, Yuna who's in Aus right now. It should be airing in KBS world soon. But I won't have KBS world to view it. Damn it. X( But wait till I get my hands on thiss. *snicker*.

Well so I was bored. So I did this.

Sze. Similar or not?

Epic phail.

To add into the list of "What Sze will NEVER be seen doing in her life".

Acting in a Korean period drama is not a career option. Or even a chinese one. Not close. O.o

But anyway, Kdrama hunters out there. Watch out for this. As soon as the subs are out, grab it. :)

One more day to move. X(

Wongfu.

Wong fu makes me wanna go to costco.

Gargh! So cute X)

Random

Something random I found while sorting out my folders. Credits to Lex.

Priceless.

seriously! reading this, i couldn't help but think your also a little screwed up in the head. joke. don't take it the wrong way though. most geniuses (Einstein and his genius friends) were suspected of being screwed before. you're like on the same level as them *high five* - Suzy_me@Soompi

I lived for this. =)

Words.

Some things you can't put in words.

FISH-Vil.

Fish ville is eville.

Don't feed me sugar. Rawr.

In other news, Vegas Skies has been looping in my head since waking up in the morning. It's meaningful I guess. I really, really love it. It's significance? The words perhaps. The words.

In other other news, spent the whole afternoon with Sonia, Sharveen and Krish____ (I refuse to learn his full name =.=) at Tebrau. The mall was unbelievably boring but the company was pretty good. Insane. ;o Doesn't take much to feel the natural high start coming over me. =D

From competing moving eyebrows, nose and other weird body parts, toy r' us and walking around providing nonsensical commentary in furniture stores. How old are we again?

3 Days.

The day I really dread is coming closer. =(


*



I was explaining to my mother what this short was about today. I choked on my tears half-way.

Written By Yasmin Ahmad. RIP

Over a year ago.

Exactly a year ago, I arrived in Melbourne.

Misses.

Then and now.

Half a decade ago, I was in school. I've seen all that's good, bad, fair and unfair. I lived through it with a close knit circle of friends and a couple of teachers whom were always on a look out for us, that until today are still an inspiration to us.

Sonia, Sharveen and I visited one of them today. The last I saw her was about a year ago before leaving for Australia. Today we sat in her house, chatting away without realizing how fast time flew by. The fear is gone. All I have for her now is respect.

While I bluntly say, about how tuition brings in more income. I could tell she didn't seem to agree. Teachers RARELY disagreed to that. Perhaps it's not the income she's after. To know that teachers who gave her 100 percent to where she's supposed to teach makes me feel comforted. Schools need more teachers like that. We don't need teachers who makes a guest appearance in class for 3 weeks and disappear the rest of the semester. We need teachers to actually teach and less meetings that last from the morning till the bells ring. We need speeches that can leave impacts in our lives, not time-wasting assemblies that brings no benefit.

In my time, this isn't what I got. It makes you appreciate those who did try to give you that even more.

Miss Low's retiring this year. It's a loss really.

Random Blog Material.

Happy CNY people. (And V day. FEEL THE LOVE.)

Independant.

Maybe I don't want to be.