Oy Bull.

Omg. Omg. Omg. Reunion Dinner on Sat.

Remembered I need to hand in book list ASAP before CNY. WAHLAOS. *emohs*

SUPERVISOR BALIK KAMPUNG DY LA HOWW?!

*panic*

*edit: Got a reply. workaholic. - Feb 12*

All because I was

1. Busy looking for a place to stay.
2. Procrastinating.
3. Trying to finish Brilliant Legacy (2009) and Minamishineyo (2009).
4. Singapore-ing and Procrastinating even more.
5. CNY-ing
6. Baking.
7. Thinking about everything else but my thesis. lol.

I don't believe I run on a Pentium two up there but I admit. I question my brain capacity sometimes. Why oh why am I not blessed with the incredible ability to multitask and hence more on-my-toes-abit, less up-in-the-sky-somewhere.

That aside.

I DON'T FIT IN ANY OF THE CLOTHES I BOUGHT FOR NEW YEAR THIS YEAR. GARGHHH. EVERYTHING I PUT ON GIVES ME A MUFFIN TOP.

Yes, I am going to start on a CNY rant now on the eve of New Year's eve.

Every year, we go through this. And who are we kidding? There are somethings about family gatherings that pricks us once in a while. But hey, don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean I love them any less. There's just a handful. It's especially problematic for really BIG families, huge extended ones.

So, since it's 2am and I've just found 4 books to add on my book list, I am going to come out with a list of awkward CNY situations that I'm sure people can relate to. Some I speak from experience, some coz I'm observant. Heh.

Topic 1: Your weight.

Yeap. Everybody's got relatives who do that. For girls, this is possibly the most dreaded topic to ever bring up when everyone is gathered around yummy food during the reunion dinner. It's one of those topics that really kills your appetite. Even worse, if you were the one who prepared the meal.

Sure, you've had a stressful year, snacked abit in between, had a baby perhaps?, had no time for the gym or no money to sign up for one, or just plain lazy to work out because it didn't occur to you how fast a year past after someone says to you "Wah, you putting on weight ah," while you were chomping on your abalone/cookies/bakkwa halfway. Or maybe you're just naturally the way you are no matter how much you workout/eat. [This applies to petite people too, but they get the opposite 'Must eat more treatment']. And the worst, it just didn't occur to you it was going to happen again the next year if you didn't do anything about it.

This year. You meet. Something changed. Your waistline. She mentions it again. At the dinner table. All your other relatives are around. She just put you through something even worst than public execution. LOL. Your appetite gets killed so does every other organ in your body. You remind yourself to change and swallow the last bit of bakkwa and vow upon the very day itself that you will be a changed person. Some people succeed. Some people just turn to the cookies after someone offers them and the cycle repeats all over again.



Topic 2: Their kids.

In a typical Chinese family setting, I am not generalizing but all Chinese parents really do this, parents love to talk about how great their kids are. Often out of love really =) and among parents, it's the only topic in common they have to discuss about after they're done gossiping about the government/share markets/business/other relatives. Except, some parents happen to sell their children a little too well like they're a mass-produced product sold on TV it makes you feel really icky on a joyous day. But hey don't be. Just remember your parents will be selling you as well. As you grow older, you will start to realize that perfect picture painted is really just, well... a picture (one thing I learnt in my course, communicating is just a matter of perceiving. Everything that is communicated is framed in such away that tells a story for the person's perspective Nothing is the gospel truth) and how pointless it'll be to be affected by something really trivial. =)


Topic 3: Your future.

SPM leavers/Uni-graduates/Retrenched get this quite often. For people who know what to do in your life, this is the time to shine. Outdo, outwit and outlast that kaypoh relative who dissed you for not having that straight A's/scholarship/promotion that they expected you to get. You explain your plans is great-detail with great passion sparkling in your eyes.

For people who don't know what they are doing yet, the case is often harder to deal with. Especially if your relative just listed out his/her/their children's plans, it's even harder to prevent your pride from being trashed. It can be really demoralizing especially with the fakeness of the whole conversation, "Oh you'll find something to do soon" or "Do you want to work for random-business-tycoon-relative-i-know". It's already weird enough you only meet this person once a year, pretty obvious you don't feel particularly close or sometimes any connection at all to that relative.

Remember words can travel. If your family happen to be the gossipy kind, tell a white lie. "I'm thinking of..." blablabla. Just be really down to earth about it. Anything but I dunno because they'll automatically think you're bumming.

Topic 4: Your Lovelife.

Whether you're single or taken or is your marriage going well random things that you really rather not talk about. It normally starts once you hit your early 20's. By 30 it gets tiring. If they live long enough by 40, you've move on. By 50... Hm. Either way, conforming to societal pressures rarely work out. I personally think it not worth sacrificing your own happiness to gain approval from others.

Remember this is only just to create small talk. Somethings that are said, really don't matter enough to be taken seriously. Spare the grudge. Spread the love. Be tactful. Avoid touching on too sensitive issues. If they do things to tick you off just be polite to remind them about your boundaries.

It's comfort you find in your family. Not competition. Those who can't provide simply don't mean as much. =)

IRIS (KBS 2009 release)

The Case of Itaewon Murder (2009)

Ripped.

It feels different with different companies. For people I lack something in common with and the bluntness that is not present in my culture. Relationships that are blunt and relationships that are straight-out honest versus relationships that are just superficial or just not as deep. Relationships at different levels.

People. I always constantly feel bad. People should stop making me feel bad. I should stop myself from feeling bad. On one hand I try to accommodate to everyone, another it's just impossible to make everybody happy. So why should I feel bad? But I can't. When it comes to issues touching on my loyalty, I just really really can't sit with on decision in peace.

As much as I try, and maybe succeed sometimes, I am not a person who can make everybody happy. I don't know if people remember but many times I fail.

Hate it when time clashes. I hate it when two things go on at the same time and I have to choose. I hate it when I have to be in two places at once. I hate it that out of all the times I choose, things don't turn out the way I expect it to be. Justifying my decisions normally ends up messy so I just don't bother.

Why can't people be cloned and just be packed up in little boxes. Maybe that way it will be physically possible to be at two places at a time. Or why can't everyone in my social circle know everybody like how I know them. Can't social circles all just be subsets?

Now wouldn't that just be dandy?

I'm blogging from Singapore now. Lovely traffic today. Didn't take too long to get in. Had a wonderful dinner and saw Gavin, he's Australian, scream chinese profanities in Chinatown. The best part: It's on camera.

In KL the week before for Semester issues RIGHT AFTER 5 days of traveling time with my best buds. Zouk was wicked. So was the scream park at Sunway lagoon.

Time spent at home?

I don't think there's even a word to describe how I feel right now.

Who am I to say the situation isn't great?

Looking at it now.

I like how things turned out.

I truly do.

How I got myself into a place where I can pig-out on books. Being back in KL is somewhat different because it's still away from home. The whole process of making friends and getting used to the place again will do me some good.

This two weeks I spent in KL actually made me feel how it was like to have your close friends with you for one week and then being alone most of the time for another. It felt like a strange metaphor. I have many friends. It's just that they are either scattered around the country or busy with their own thing which I've been feeling quite accepting towards right now. Time seems to creep when you spend it on your own but you won't die in the process. Eventually it passes and you get acquainted with them again. You treasure it abit more.

I now know One U like the back of my hand. I have found a place to stay. I have also gotten sources and a glimpse of what to expect next semester. So it's all 'deal-able'. Hehe. The only thing that isn't is the KL traffic. Been here for only a week and I'm already traumatized.

I feel really bad for disturbing Zeming's family for the week. Thank you so muchos Zemdawg for giving me a roof above my head and wheels below my feet. LOL. Sorry to impose. I owe you for eternity.

I still haven't said goodbye to my plans to go to Korea or Melbourne. Really. LOL. I'll get there someday. But for now, it's the capital I invade!

I'll ttyl KL. Flying back in 10 hours time.

Prospects.

Wuuuuuu.

Kris Allen Live in Kl.

I don't care even if he only had one official song released I WANNA GO.


Accomodation. Honours prep. I'm more or less settled. =)

As for tutoring. errrrr =/

I am beginning to feel the pressure settling down on me. Honours will fly by fast and completing it will be really satisfying. And to know that if I have a partial scholarship in hand, I don't know much about the clause but I'm quite sure it means I have to finish this in one piece or else GG. :/ Omg stress. Something for me to be proud of for once. With almost zero athletic success to boast off, this, my friend is, to make up for all the opportunities I've missed.

*

Ok. Random. I was buying donuts from Big Apple yesterday and I heard a really good song that I liked. I recognized it because the radio has been playing it since forever but this version Big Apple played was a slower acoustic version which was actually alot fresher compared to the original which sounded like all the other songs we hear on radio - Kesha etc etc.

I remembered it has something to do with mothers.

And the singer was a female.

But it wasn't enough to find out the title on the net. I hate not knowing titles. You have no idea how many mother songs are out there.

I went on to the charts and found it.

And this is it.







And others of interest.





Pwnage.

Judge.

Judge judge judge judge judge judge judge judge judge.

Waking up in Vega-

I watch One U come to life. How it transformed from a lifeless row of dark alleys to a mall full of life and people. It was so hard to find starbucks. =.= Lol.

No point going to Monash so early since there isn't much to do there.

So here I am with my trusty mug of Chai tea latte with nothing to do. I end up eavesdropping some business conversation a few tables away from me. HEHEHE.

Lunch with Zeming once she's done with the first half of the day. Then will be meeting up with Selina for house hunting later. OMGG. 1pm quickly come already X(

Reconnected.

500 days without any access to the internet.

My unofficial offer rolled in last thursday. Just saw it today. And Dr Yeoh is my supervisor YAY. *hits the ceiling*

What else is there left to do?

Get Smashed.
Zouk.
House hunting.
Bridge hunting.
Chilling.
Fishvilling
Murni.
Kayu.
Honours approval.
Consultation with Dr Yeoh.
Get Smashed with Zemdawg.
Shoeshopping
New Year shopping. *almost done, snicker*

Looking freaking forward. As forward as I can. I'm not holding onto anything I held onto previously. I definitely had a little too much baggage before. =) I am going to lose some weight on my shoulders. And also a full-body one after CNY. =9 Looking forward to this new thing. 21 is a good number.

Jem in KL on Fri. Alva Jacky Kevin Andrew on the 9th.

Gavin arrived in Singapore yesterday lol.

Heading to Singapore on Sat.

Sonia heading off on the 10th

Prepare for CNY after returning to JB. Put me culinary skills in action woot woot. No disasters plz. *fingers crossed*

Loves.

Professor.

ALAMAK.

*facepalm*

Somethings.

I know that there's always a few things in life that make you go crazy thinking about them. =)

Many of will not cease even when you stop thinking about them.

*

Heading up to KL tomorrow. I am quite excited. There'll be things to do and places to go and budgets to bust. X(

To do list

1. Return all I've borrowed. Go monash.
2. Go for Nasi Beriani at Kayu.
3. Buy sportshoes to work out after Beriani.
4. Meeting up with significant people. =)

When do I pack?

Spot-Check.

Reminds me of Zeming. LOL.

Feels like highschool all over again. I'm sure people know the death of the Johor Sultan 2 days ago is was splashed all over the news after the whole hush-hush period. There are people spot-checking the people to mourn his death. Shops that didn't close on Saturday were asked to close, some were fined. Rumour has it that some people who didn't wear the black band, some were slapped by official-guards. Why am I not surprised?

Yes. And also apparently there are people selling it for 5 bucks outside. Even state-funerals can capitalize arr!

My make-shift band from an old sock.

=.=

Heading to the car service center now. T_T Hope it doesn't take long. Running errands later.

Side note,

The home PC died on me. T_T

Unwatched You're Beautiful/Shining Inheritance eps inside. RAWRR.

DAMN YOU PSU.

Quite cool.

Not that we were unaware of the dress code but for restaurants like this, is there even a need for one? For the first time in my life, I was requested to have lunch outside the restaurant because

GET THIS

I was wearing shorts and flipflops.

*all together now*

WHAT THE-

(insert a whole string of profanities)

People get bounced out of a club when they're drunk. People don't get bounced out of a restaurant because they're wearing shorts, okay. They just don't. The world is not supposed to function like that.

I was wearing a long black tunic and a pair of white shorts and flip flops, which part of my attire is unacceptable? Apparently, the in the Royal Johor Country Club requires you to be appropriately dressed in order to gain entrance. Supposedly to maintain the class. BAH.

With this kind of weather, you expect me to cover up?!

I outwardly reject this ancient rule that is being imposed on me. Nothing is going to stop me from wearing what I am comfortable in.

OMG THAT PLACE SO KAMPUNG DAMN PISSED SEH.

You know, wearing shorts, doesn't make me an infidel.

Ok lah. Next time I'll go in my prom dress. =.=

Stalky.

I was browsing and I randomly stumbled upon this.



Growing up, I have always been the awkward one. The stalky girl who always stood behind in class photos because of her body frame. Meek smile with hair tied up into a pony tail. Under-achiever because she couldn't get her priorities right. Dudes at that time were really mini. And because I wasn't your typical quiet petite girl, I always thought it was something abnormal about me. I was too different.

Today, I'm not the tallest anymore. Nor the loudest. Even with my shrunken social circle after school, I know more than ten people who tower me. With that, I used to tower about three of them. Yashdev used to be really small as a kid and then BOOM secondary 4 he's like a head taller than me. LOL. I don't feel so alien anymore. Growing up, I learnt to love myself a little bit more.

Maybe abit too much.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

*perasan*

I actually kinda miss that old stalky me. ;) And times when I was impulsive and untouched by the complexities of the adult world.

Madefage.

Things I did today in sequence.

1. Disappointed by cinema due to changing timeslots. Sonia and I could possibly the only two poor souls who hasn't seen Avatar yet. =/

2. Walking around aimlessly in City Square.

3. Had Kenny Rogers for lunch. Not the person but

4. Got cheated to spend more at Body Shop X(. But I am quite happy with my purchase.


DAMN IN LOVE WITH THE JAPANESE CHERRY BLOSSOM BODY MIST. YAY YAY YAY YAY!

5. Spent the rest of the afternoon Swimming with my pals.





6. Went to the hot tub.


7. Went Mackers! Addicted to Chocolate Sundaes. :/

8. Went to the playground.




9. Went home.


Now, I'm tanned. And broke. And need a gym membership. :X

Mechanics.

Mechanics are awesome.

*sly*

Today I met someone I wish I hadn't. I believe people who can't get along, should never try. They should never fake it. Even if for some reason they do fake it, it takes a good deal of faking skills to not seem insincere with your body language. I am just not that kind of person who can do that. I'm very direct. It doesn't take rocket-science for people to read me. For some cases, good and for some not so. Of course, this aspect proved to be the worst for one of the most potential friendships I had in life. Lol.

But really. To be honest. There is this part of me that wished I was more forgiving as a person. But one can only tolerate this much. When lines are crossed, there is no turning back.

__________

1. Daiman's new badminton court is awesome! I super love the flooring. It beats wood any day!

2. Malaysian signage must improve. REALLY. (I got lost in Johor after I decided to detour on my way home)

3. Steamboat + Karaoke + BBQ. Omg. Loves.

4. Monopoly City is complicated but fun. HAHAHAHAHA. X)

Haunting.

Some things you see have a haunting effect on you.

Past

We judge.

Yes we all do. There's always an inner bitch inside of us. We bitch about the weather. We bitch about the traffic. We bitch about the country. We bitch about people we don't like. We bitch about the problem housemate. We bitch about almost anything imaginable. Whether if it's on the surface or as a person we see begin to see change, annoy and detest. We just do. We judge em. Yes. We all do.

Quite hesitant to leave the house tmr.

I used to always want to have my own life. But somehow, things turned out different. Now when I get my change, I don't want it anymore.

Funny.

In my first year, before Monash moved into it's current campus, that was the first time I squeezed in the Multimedia Lab with two other partners in crime roving reporters editing a Scholarship ceremony thinggy. THE FIRST THING EVER that we completed. I was looking through my hard drive for it, but I don't have a copy. GARGH. Ok. Anyway, bottom line. I remember how noob it turned out. I am possibly the worst interviewer of all time and I interviewed the principle. XO

So yeh, somewhere towards the end of the sem, when we packed up the multimedia room to move into the canggih one in the new campus. The seniors emo. We just watched them emo. A couple of seniors found packs of Dell Audio systems and along with the one the current editing computer was using. Apparently those were sponsored to the school. We kop lah. I got the one the current computer was using that had random masking tape around the wires and everything.

And after three years, I just want to tell everyone it's still freaking functioning!!! HAHAHAHHHAAHH. Must i be so sentimental about everything?

I'm playing I gotta feeling now with it now.

HAHAHA. Loves.

_________

Back to the past

Slow mo.

Have you ever felt like you were moving in slow motion? And everything rushes past you. - Izzie Stevens.

I grew up holding close onto things that mean a lot to me. Do you remember that one favourite toy that you had as a kid you played with everyday. And then one day it spoils or break. You don't want to throw it out. But your parents want you to. It feels like that for me now.

I feel many truths about life hurts. Am I the kind of person who moves on after hurt? No. Do I expect too much? Yes.

Perhaps I cannot deal with change. Which explains why I am constantly stuck at certain point of my life in fear of it. There's a race. And there's the finishing line. What happens after I cross it? Do I even want to cross it?

Will I come out triumphant with my success or will I cross into murky unmarked territories?

What hurts the most is what happens after that is beyond my control.

I have to soothe this expectation I have to what I was looking forward to. The only way I can do it is not to expect everything to be the same like in the past. And yes I shouldn't. =) I don't think it's disappointment I feel. Just sheer helplessness.

What we had together was great. It's even more special because it's not something I can find back now. And it's not something to be sad about really.

Wish me happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday, Sze.

During a girls day out and a girls night in, I need to find more people to call during awkward moments. O.O

Booyeah.

Shape

It's taking shape.

*sigh of relief*

Not my ass. Not yet at least.

*

[Edit]

2 hours after

Oh no. My proposal too fat. It needs to go on a diet.

A muse

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sohai


I LOLED SO BAD AT JOE'S FB QUIZ HAHAHA.

I know fb quizzes just pick names at random, but ey. The turn out is always funny.

I wonder why Alex isn't on the list...

*waits to feel rage of 5000 suns* Heheheh.

On other Network communication sites,




I wonder how I can be blessed with so much free time.

Where are the fucking jet engines?

In school, we're cheated to believe politicians and the police are noblemen. We grow up to learn otherwise.

In the wake of the religious tensions in Kuala Lumpur, I did not expect myself to return from Australia to this. What happened to the Malaysia I know? Has it always been a beautiful picture painted? Has it always been a mirage? Can't be surely.

When my lecturer protest for fair elections and against corruption, as soon as he opens his mouth and he gets the ISA. Why don't you act the same way for these arsonists and vandals? Why suddenly so inefficient? With you politicising a religious matter that was designed to remove our attention from Altanthunya, Keris, Pendatang, to the jet engines, what are you going to do now it's spiraling out of control. From one religion to another.

I personally don't get the hype. One word, semiotics, and a nation left in unrest?

As far as I'm concerned, those engines could very well be in your pocket. Cover-up more, and Malaysia will have their very own Watergate scandal.

See. We grow up to learn other wise.

You know, it's not that pendatang don't want to leave this country. Even if I buy a one-way-ticket to China, they won't accept me la. Even if they did, my heart won't accept it la. It lies here where I come from. So STFU, do your job and give us some rights!

Chapter 1: I must say

The bravest thing I've done throughout my life is pursuit. Except it didn't work out but still I don't turn back looking at it with regret. The funny thing is, of all my priorities, why don't I have any guts to pursue what I need to, especially right now when I'm at a crossroad in adulthood pretty much forced to decide for my own. I feel like I'm stuck in a round-about and other cars are just not giving way.

Back to the bravest thing I've done. As far as I remember it started out awkward. Ended awkward as well. If genders were equal then girls can ask boys out too, no? Lol! I recognize that exhilaration I felt when he said yes. But knowing that there may've been a possibility that he had a significant other later, weighed a bit over me. He basically left Monash after 1st year and I was left there hanging. Too stubborn to let go. Wondering where he went.

Moving to Australia, was a good step for me because I got to see how things were like away from home. Gippsland was small we knew who-dated-who, who-slept-with-who, who-broke-up-with-who etc. And it's a way of life. Sure there was more freedom there and new things, new people to distract me along the way.

We spoke casually on the net. I've been told time and time again not to but because I know if I don't, I will never have closure to this particular chapter. And I just not much of an Ice-queen to deal with that.

It's been probably 3 years since I sat in the same class as him for FTV. And now he's just left for NY. I'm busy settling with my Honours application and my own plans really since coming back from Australia.

I wouldn't say that I have forgotten him, occasionally I still do look back and think to myself, wouldn't it be awesome if I got to know him in person? But I'm just happy to finally know that at the end of the day, we're great where we are now. And nothing should change for any reason because somethings should just remain that way. It's ironic I still bother to return back to what I've been running away from.

My perceptions of love have changed significantly since then. I believe sometimes coincidences are just coincidences. They shouldn't be seen like a sign of fate and kept romanticized like that because life is just different from all the movie we see. If you think it's going to be like how you see in Film and TV, you will be greatly disappointed, as I was too lol.

Most people see me as the luckiest girl on the planet who has never been hurt and lives without a single worry in the world. I see myself as a person who is incomplete with a void only a lover can fill, without realizing I already have a lot of people who contributes to filling up that void. I guess it's just a matter of perception. The irony. :)

Through the course of my adolescence, as much as I see people getting together, I've also seen many relationships that fall apart and I can tell, being in one is not easy. Perhaps, in someways having this lack won't make me any less complete.

Book closed.

Loves.

For obvious reasons.

Many must be wondering why I've switched my privacy settings. If you get access to my answer, then you must mean something to me.

Put it simply, I just want to remove the limits I've imposed on myself to write what I really want. Not that I am planning to be a politician of sorts (though, I've taken a keen interest in that field since returning from Australia and suddenly notice problems in our system) but through the years I have been blogging, I haven't been completely honest about things that I write. There are a lot of my thoughts that I omit. Boundaries are obviously self-imposed, but now I don't feel I owe up to my readers to a point I marginalize my thoughts.

As a writer, I should be aware of who does read it and who doesn't by limiting it's access, perhaps then I wouldn't have to be too mindful about how I would be judged because people would've already known me can see me and see what I write in the right contexts.

What you'll be reading after this, will be as transparent as it can get. It'll be like purified water!

Quite a failed attempt to be witty. But true.

Haven't had a knack for writing in AGES. Now, I should just try.

No inhibitions. =)

Dead and Gone.

I love it too much to leave. And yet...

Like a jilted lover I feel.

To KL and Back.

For a place I spent 2 years living comfortably, it seems so foreign to me now.

Familiar beach-sand coloured walls, but empty spaces. Any swab of familiarity retained only remains in my head. Ringing and resonating in the corners of my mind. As selfish as I am, it's very different from how I wanted it to be.

Many familiar faces have left the gates of Monash. Spending these few days at the Library made me catch a glimpse of how things are gonna be when I return.

Though I was thankful for Selina, Alex 0, and Prav for driving me around bringing me to meet people and through the course, discover the mechanic-side of me. lol @ Selina =D

I enjoyed myself alot.

Glad I was able to meet up with almost all the people I wanted to meet, all that I wanted to eat, all I needed to do I did during my trip up. And it's just great. Yeap and when it's time to look for a place to stay, I will be back to familiarize myself. =)

_____________

Side note, Airasia played a song that I fell in love with when I touched down in Johor. =)




"I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last"


Loves.

Like the armadale episode.

Looking for a place to stay is a pain.

I'm blogging from

My crummy room in a dodgy hotel. Bad flu = Low productivity.

KL weather not jiving with my body very much.

Eff.

FLU-ed.

Karaoke madness.

I'm blogging from room 42 in the Curve redbox. And it's insane. Our session finished 2 hours ago but this is one, they let us sing until someone pops by to shoo us out. And they didn't shoo us out!!!

But really, awesome but in the expense of my throat. I swear I will lose my voice tmr.

We endured 3 hours of jam. So we're just making the best of it.

Day 2 of KL, I'm getting a flu. :(

Backspace to where it all started.

After this.

Kari Alva Andrew in KL. Another reason to get a better cameraphone.

Monash Library, from where I was sitting.

Art's, science, IT building level 1 entrance.

MSG Laden dish of subang that is loved by many.

Trying to gain momentum.

Six days to get it done. >_< I need will-power of gastronomical proportions.

Sidenote, my new toy is working like a charm. ;) Lol. Heading up to KL on Tuesday, I am quite excited. Haven't seen my friends for a while. Also the Singgy's are going up to KL as well! Woots. So ironic we'll be meeting each other there. So many times planed to go Singkapore tak jadi sigh. So people, this is the ultimate reunion. Lamia-addicts unite! Lol. Pork Burgers here I come! (Also gym/pool after that when I return sigh)

Went to Pontian today for a Seafood lunch. For people who don't know, Pontian is located at the southernmost point of Johor, it's near the sea and really really have cheap seafood restaurants where you can eat at kelong-like eateries. They are also famous for their jelly, keropok and other seafood products which is totally awesome! Boatrides for 5 dollars if you're curious to explore.

It's been so long since we went out that far as a family. Hehe. I enjoyed the food. (Chilli Crab <3) Also, I got to meddle with my Dad's SLR. *evil glint in eye* But it rained on the way back, really heavily, so I didn't take much on-the-road shots. Will post the pictures up soon. Haha. When I feel like it. X)

All in all, I really enjoyed myself since coming home. Haven't stopped moving about since the new years. Haha. It's actually a pretty good start for the year. Oh please please please keep the rest of the year as good as this. Hahahaha.

Side sidenote, my attention schpan is not helping. I have concentration issues. And procrestination issues. Grumble. New years resolution broken on the 3rd day. Spank me.

Again, before I get back to my piled up journals, there was something I said in the car today that I also want to say here. "They say the older you get, the more nostalgic you are." My father agreed almost immediately. Of we both didn't say it out loud but probably secretly agree (yes I am assuming lol my own dad lol) perhaps being all too sentimental isn't a very good trait to have. Because we have to be resilient towards change. Holding on too tightly the past only makes you the opposite.

Something I can be a very good example of.

Apart from dancing, another thing that I cannot do is to let go.

2010 resolution number three.

I don't want to wake up one day and see this change.

Mum is on my Facebook list.

First post of a new year.

Dodgy place with good company > Good place with bad company. =)

First lessons of 2010: alcohol tolerance doesn't depend on race.

I don't know how things would turned out but I could tell a change was going to come. I still miss those times I spent in Melbourne, the same way I missed home while I was there. Today, I am wiping out this nagging sense of loss. It's the company that has a special ability to make everything bad seem wonderful.

This is Melbourne's song. Because there was a female busker who always sung it at Bourke Street, one of those we all loved because she made us feel at ease every time we sat there and chatted. And also because this is sums Melbourne. =)

With love, to people who mattered. To family and friends. My little and not-so-little-anymore cousins who I hope don't stalk my blog but some probably do, jie loves you all. My best buds. Lex, Kanina, and Nia. May 2010 be one with many good returns and even greater learning. We officially part starting this year but 10 years down the road we'll look back and it'll still be the same. Cheers to many years of friendship and more to come. To cacing, Sharveen. YOU invite me for your wedding ah for old times sake. =) Love you loads.

I am really really excited for this year. Although the uncertainties get to me at times, hey? What is life if everything is all planned out like a movie script? Lol.




Happy New Year.

Assessment.

It's new years eve already?! The whole Australia escapade was filled with so muchh insanity it's hard to have a feel of time. Lol. See I'm bored. Lunch is not done yet. So yes. The next best thing to do on New Years eve apart from having a couple of bottles with friends is this.

Resolutions.

Yes did i send a guilty chill down your bone yet?

Many people bother to think about it but don't follow it. As soon as they recover from the hang over, they don't feel the need to change anymore. Minus the hangover, I'm like that hehe. Maybe it's just me... and my lack of discipline gyah.

But normally at the end of the year, I always make it a point to look back and see that perhaps I did unknowingly succeed in one or two that i plan to set out to do.

I gonna look back at my resolutions for 2009 lol. So here is my assessment.

And what I didn't slash is what I succeed.

1. It's time to get cracking.

Yes, more or less. I think I put in alot more effort in my work compared to Second year. Cut the slack and actually did something good. Maybe it was just the pressures of doing my Final Year in Australia and the overwhelming want to graduate. XP

2. I will not procrastinate.

WEEERRRTTTTTTTTT BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. This has been on my list for ages. So long it's growing mouldy. Sigh.

3. I will have better self control.

I think I'm not the only one who have problems with self control. But that doesn't make me look any better so gyah. :/ But I wrote specific sub-notes for this one.

3.1 I will grow my own vegetables I will not overspend. - Failed.
3.2 I will avoid Cheese Cake, Candy and Chips. - Okay, I didn't crave for cheese cake anymore.... soo improvement? Lol. Candy and chips. will be on for next year's. Sigh. Must Stop Junking.
3.3 I will exercise more. - Walking in melb considered?
3.4 I will not overspill. I will channel my frustrations correctly. - Ultimate fail. Hahhahah. With the course of things happening and the pressures of being in another country leaves me to realize how important succeeding in this is. =)

4. I will be a better on the road, I will not get any Saman.

Yesh. But wherever I go, whether I drive or not, the saman seems to comes to me. Damn you, saman.

5. I will not lust for Brad Pitt. Newspapers suck but I will read more.

Okay I succeeded the Brad Pitt. But not much of the newspapers.

6. I will love Broccoli.

Okay. I like it alot more now. Especially with Jem's cheese bake Broco's. Thank goodness for cook-outs. Pretty awesome.

7. I will not get hooked on games on Facebook.

Heh. My facebook page speaks for itself.

8. I will not change my Blogskin so often.

Ok. I stuck with this skin for close to a year. =) Successs!!!

9. No more assignment late Submission. (Re: Resolution 2)

HMM. Ok. Re my response for Resolution 2. And my excuse - I just can't help it T_T. It feels worse especially if you're a digit or two away from Distinction.

10. I will be more organized.

Ok. Perhaps. At least I clear up my room often enough.

11. I will win Sze Kai in Cooking Mama on Wii before 2010

Somebody tell me why I have this on my list? I'm surprised haahhaha. LOL. I picked up Guitar Hero and if we competed, I have longer fingers so I will pwn him. Then again, he used to be a compulsive 02jam addict. I might not. I suck at cooking mama.




So that sums it up. I think my list for next year should be about the same. I don't have to draw up any resolutions for next year. Haha.

Heard about a Pork Burger place in KL. Oh. My. God. *glomps* Oops. I just broke 3.2.

Junkie, signing off.

For the nth time.

Sorry pa.

Noob.

The closest to a baby that I have right now is prolly just my Family Guy Stewie plushie lying on the floor and thankfully, that doesn't require changing diapers.

Just today, I happen to have one of those brain-on-holiday moments, and for some reason, my thoughts drift back to Christmas. I was a Sonia's house for her open house. See, after the lunch and my long time haven't seen friends left, I stayed back a while. And as many of you already know, Sonia's niece was in town. OMG Sarah such a cute little thing *squish*. Haha.

So okay, at that time I discovered I was actually phobic of babies. I lived all my life thinking I was awesome with kids, only to know now that I actually am not when it comes to babies.

Because

1. I don't know how to change diapers.
2. Sarah doesn't respond very much when I make faces. (Maybe that's just me)
3. Everytime I hold a baby, a thought of me dropping, injuring or losing them flashes in my head.

I sat through the whole time watching Sonia (who was like a pro) pull out baby-wipes and some cream with a very bombastic name that prevents nappy rash and actually baby-talk (get this) AT THE SAME TIME. While watching her, a lot of things went through my mind.

With such demand for multitasking, I can see myself failing miserably already. I tried to make myself useful by making faces at the mirror only to get a facial expression back from Sarah that if babies could talk would mean "Not funny" or "wth is she trying to do?" or like three questions marks appearing above her head. I didn't even get a GURGLE.

IT'S JUST HEARTBREAKING!

And also awkward, to imagine that once in my life I was a tiny tot who stared that way back at people who didn't amuse me because they either weren't funny enough or I was just being plain difficult. Talk about Karma. =.= On top of that, it's even more awkward to know that at that same time someone may have stripped me bare just because I peed myself! >_< The horrors.

.
.
.

On a lighter note, Sonia can totally be a mum. Haha all her "I-hate-kids" every time a brat in the restaurant/movie/plane cried was just a cover. HEHEHH. I'm not used to this new side of her just yet but I think I found myself the perfect babysitter.

说出口。

Maybe some day we'll meet and maybe talk and not just speak.

Post-Australia.

I've settled. I admit that the first initial days that I set foot back home, there were changes (or the lackthereof) that irked me. From the post office staff to the uncourteous drivers on the road. My courtesy smiley+gdays etc flew right out the window. I'm still getting used to not having the people behind counters not saying "hi-how are you?" and it feels strange to be honest because in Australia, I wished they hadn't try to create some small talk, because ultimately we're strangers and pretending that you care about how-i-am is fake. I never driven in Australia so I can't stereotype but one thing Malaysian drivers have to learn is to chill and learn how to give way. And also, learn not to come so close to my car to intimidate me to give them way when I have already given to 23456432 cars. GAHH. *stabs* Ultimately I only succumb in the end because I was driving my brother's car and with his permission, I am required to bring the car back in one-piece/without a scratch/bumpers intact.

But okay, my return hasn't been all that bleak. =)

I don't expect Malaysia to welcome me (creed) with arms wide open but hey yes to an extent it did. My family has been the sweeeeetestt people. <3 I came back, shocked to see how much they've grown. One cousin put on weight (it's the age) and another had his voice crack. A couple added a few inches. While physical changes were evident, much remained familiar. These few days I've been spending with people who I could only see in pictures on my wall in Aus. I certainly don't miss melbourne as much as I did before and I know I'll always be forever torn between these two places. Haha.

Much like how I expected it to be, it's good to be back. Met people in Permas from where I grew up. It's quite funny. Everyone's all grown up now. =)

In a span of 10 months. This all was what I missed.

Merry Christmas.

Chris Crocker.

Somebody Hit The Restart Button.

Coz at some point, people diverge.

Driven.

Something else I'm missing.

The End.

Long, Longer, Longing.

In a blink of an eye, I cannot believe, I will be on the plane in exactly 12 hours time heading back to Singapore. I started my journey 10 months ago thinking about what lies ahead of me in where I was heading, and the irony is I end this climatic chapter/season/installment thinking about the same damn thing.

It's 4am, I just finished packing up my things. Strangely I don't feel relieved at all. I look forward to going back. But I know once I reached, the whole sinking feeling will come running back again.

To People I've met.
People I got to know.
And people I didn't stay long enough to get to know.
People who sailed the same boat.
People who kept me afloat.

<3

Cheers.

Popcorn Chicken.

There's something about popcorn chicken that I cannot understand. I was having dinner with Jason today and we decided to go to KFC since it was near the vicinity of uni. We went in ordered the Ultimate Burger Meal, (comes with everything you ever want in KFC, 1 burger, 1 fries, 1 mash, 1 chicken and 1 drink for under 10 ;)

But there's always this other thing in KFC that we (or at least I) love. Popcorn Chicken. Since there's no cheesy wedges here lol. Sad thing is, they don't include in any of their meals. Today, Jason ordered it separately. But with what we already have in hand, a regular will be too small and not worth it, so we usually go for the large. But the large is just too big. Maybe it's just me, I find myself literally panting halfway through a large even when I'm sharing. :/

KFC should come out with a medium sized box because Popcorn chicken is yummy in the correct doses.

Hehe.

Grats.

Fellow graduates.
Grats.
You've come this far.
Need not worry about what's to come.
All e best in taking on the world =)

They're not puppets anymore!!!

Quite funny.

I need a new handphone with a better camera to capture moments like this.

Yay.

And so I survived the day. Lazily. Hehe. But still productive. Totally missed out on packing I don't know how to continue. Definitely didn't miss out on the proposal I was supposed to work on. Yes. I don't care what you say. I am going to write on Pixars even if it kills me for my Honours dissertation.

Yes. Decision's been made. I will return home to do a 4th year. I thought about it over and over again. I can't see myself doing anything else. Of course the decision wasn't made solely on my own. =) Which makes me feel that perhaps, making a decision solely on your own asking what YOU want will only have you stuck. It's just impossible to ignore the people around you.

It only hit me I am less than a month away from a new year and less than a week to go home. I cannot believe 2009 is over. It just felt like I was rushing to get my visa approved, rushing up to KL to attend the Exchange breifing, rushing here and there. Everything is so rushed this year and now I'm in my final week, with exactly 7 days to hop on a plane home, time starts to creep. LOL.

Come now, I don't see myself returning next year. I really don't have a reason to go through the hassle going through my limited options of what to do over here, forking out the money, looking for a new place to live and tons of paperwork for this so-called happiness that I can only imagine. I know what's for me.

For good times in Melbourne, I will cherish. And the bad, I will learn. For people I want to meet again, I will. For things I want to forget, I will. For wishes I want granted, I hope it will. :)

Gippy and Melbourne will forever have a special place in my heart, romanticized in my reverie.

OMG.

The Proposal.

As much as I want to watch that movie, this I havee another 'proposal' that is more of a priority. OK. This is it. 10th January. Dissertation Proposal + Application.

I will need to make trips up to Kl for consultation after the new years. Road trip anyone? ;)

Where the wild things are.

I believe that there IS a wild side to every one. Be it a drunken alter-ego, or a well-inhibited angry hulk, or openness to affections left shyly unexpressed, there is no single dimensional person. It's a frequent mistake to know a person based the first impression of a person you've just met. Some people conceal it better than others, but just hang around until they are caught off guard.



There are times I yearn to scream at the top of my lungs and just run. And like a bull in a china shop, I do it quite often... (which i am sorry for) metaphorically harming the hearts of the people around me. And yet for every set back when I fall, they are the ones who are still there.



It's really smart looking at what I got out from this movie. It's not a kids movie. But it tells alot about people and their personalities. For some hurt you exert out of the build up of anger, it can be permanent and visible. While actions may be mindless acts of pride or revenge, many times when confronted about the insanity of your action, we go "I'd never do that!".

I really used to think getting along was easy. And I've learnt, I was wrong. =)

Exceptionally Quiet.

This cracked me up this morning. =)

_______________

Arma getting quiet. :/
Melbourne also left with nothing much to do.
Four of my friends left on the same day. T_____________T
Bump into Mizan and Romesh ten thousand times yesterday. LOL.
Wahlao. We really nothing to do. :(
Treated ourselves to a very very good dinner yesterday lol. Asam Fish, Oyster Omelette, Fried Pork Belly and Sizzling Tofu. Zomg. *glomps*

Ok. Two more weeks.

Ironically (Chao Ge) Bei Pan -which means abandon - is playing in my background right now. :O

Rekindle.

Whether if it's to rekindle lost relations, or to form new ones, I am thankful.

Final Verdict.

I can graduate. Woots woots.

But I only have two days left to hang out with one of the closest friends I've made in Australia. The time after this will never be like before again. It's not everyday I get to chill with you all, and when will the next time you come to stay over?

At one hand I am pleased to know I am going to return to the comfort of my own bed at home, with a decent spread of home cooked dishes and the presence of my bullying kiddo' cousins, but to be truthful, I have never really felt ultimate discomfort during my stay here even without those homely pleasures.

Though there has been times when things don't go right I yearn for home so much that even if my tears were blood trickling down my cheek, I can only wonder how long there is left for my exchange to finally end. But there were also memorable times when new friends are made, not necessarily sharing the same background, but still we can chat like long time friends. Clubbing kaki's at Seven. With new things to learn. New life experiences. New demeanor-s. New Genre's of music. New Karaoke kakis. Picking up a new skill, either making a hook-turn to handling the guitar on the PS3.

All these that are new, probably without the circumstances I am in this year, would be life's lessons I would never find back in KL. And with all this that are new, I learn not to take for granted what I already have.

Slowly we'll part one by one, but I will never forget all the people who I've turned to during break time on during assignment/exam periods.

Ya'll will be mished.

To do list.

I feel weird having an empty to do list. Like really, there's nothing left to do with my stay extended. And what I plan/intend to do for some silly reason can't be done.

500 days of summer - Alex, when everybody leaves us T_T we finally watch this okay?
Karaoke - Done yesterday. Partyworld died on us like twice and we paid to stone in the room for a full half an hour.
Dim Sum - I've only tried the yumcha place at Dandenong. Never tried the ones at the CBD before since setting foot here. I tried it yesterday, eh it's pretty good. Har gao/siumai overdose. LOL.
Swimming - St Kilda Beach tomorrow~ *excited* But nobody to swim with. =(
Gymming - I doubt la. :P I'll start when I head back.
Cherry Picking - When Kari's family come down woots.
All the Wild Things - I hope I get to see it soooooonnnnn.
Paranormal ac- okay la. I don't really wanna.
Russell Peters - I SHALL RETURN FOR THE COMEDY FESTIVAL EVEN IF I HAVE TO ROB A BANK OR SLEEP ON THE STREETS!

And the list goes on.

I will decide what remains undecided for me.
I will deal with what remains of seeing no change for me.
And forget what seems to be pointless to remember. =)

____________________

When i head home.

The answer will be clear to me.

Many times.

I've been here before.
Again and again and again.
I am really beginning to not like this circle.

Today.

I shone brightly.

7AM - Party Aftermath.

Alexyeo! You must've just woken up (hopefully no hangovers) if you've seen this. I know you avid fan of my blog lol. I damn proud of you coz you didn't puke. LOL.

Cheers to:

All the one-months
All the reaching-out.
All the awkwardness.
All the Bourke street chilling sessions.
All the times you beat me in Tekken.
All the wise words.

I'll spare you. Nothing corny ok?

Happy 21st Birthday, you sexy little bit-

zzzzzzz... sry alcohol talking. I'm off to bed too lazy to rub my eyeliner off gyaa.

Thanks for the smashing party! Saengil-chuka hamnida! :)

It's what I turn to.

...

I got a long call from home yesterday.

I don't care about in time to come.

I really just want all this unhappiness to end.

It so so hard to keep a smiley face when people I care about around me are frowning.

This week.

I went from

=D to

=/ to

=O to

T_______T to

>_______< to ^^, to zzz to lol. =.= Sigh. :) There are many instances in life where we suddenly feel like we want to run away from things. Just move to another place and forget about the too-much-things going on. This is one just one of those moments for me. But I know that eventually I'll learn, when I look back in time to come, it would not matter to me anymore.

OMHG.

A pretty gloomy day but rather productive.

DAMN. Exhausted. Wah. Gila.

Got pwned today. But I will win you in Tekken some day.

Good night, world.

Too much.

This whole week has been an overdose on drama.

Really overdosage.

At least I stand at the vantage point now.

Translations.

Kim Dongwan: I don’t need everyone to like me.

It’s not a bad thing to want to be a “kind and nice person”.
But it’s not worth it if you want it so badly that you lose yourself and you end up with a bigger loss.

In fact being nice could well be the most beautiful attribute that a person can have.
So that’s why being nice at anytime to anyone is something that a person can’t do.
When you’re annoyed you might respond roughly when someone talks to you.

You would think then, ‘Ah, why didn’t I respond nicely?’
For people who have this thought and then blame themselves for it, there is no need to restrain yourself in this way.

In this world there are detestable people and people with ill intentions.
Although the Bible says, ‘Love thy enemies’, it’s more important to try to stick to your own will.

In reality it’s not so easy to be nice to all of mankind.

Kindness and love, it’s fine as long as you stick to your style.
Isn’t it tiring to do things that are “unlike yourself”?

I don’t need everyone to like me.
It’s enough to focus all your emotions towards the people most dear to you.

From an essay by Mr Saigo Shigeta…

Source: Shinhwa Kim Dongwan’s Naver blog

(Translators Note: Psychiatrist and essayist Shigeta Saito (1916-2006) who wrote numerous essays analyzing relationships, mainly within families.)

Translated by: midnightgirl13@absolutshinhwa.wordpress.com

——————————————————

Yep. Happy Belated Birthday Kim Dong Wan. :)

Pieface

So there's something new in Melbourne. I thought I'd give some free publicity for this place. Just to get the word out. Lol. It's a new pie place, it opens till late (YES, no need to eat sucky wah tan hor anymore). They sell really awesome pies with faces on them. The one I bought had my icon whoots! the :9 icon.



They sell a wide array of both sweet and savoury pies. I bought their Bacon Onion and Cheese pie. Had it tin the morning and it's really awesome. One of the best I had in Aus. Hehe.

It looked rather tempting. So I bought one. =D Ultimate fattening snack, not to mention I already gotten nuggets and fries from Mackers opposite to share with Sonia and Kari. Lol. We pretty much finished everything in the morning.

The seal. LOL. :9

Had it the next morning for lunch. Yum.

I thought Pieface was pretty awesum. Corner Swanston and Lonsdale. Go see! :9


______________

You haven't gassed up Melbourne enough with all your burping. Hope you had fun Sonia. Thankew for coming *hugs hugs* See you in Malaysia. Bye Bye~ :(

As we go on we remember all the times we have together.

As much as it is sad to stand at this crossroad looking at ten-thousand pathways ahead of us, it's good to know we are not standing there alone.

Cheers for all the times we shared together. Whether back home or in Mel.

I'm glad for what I have.

First time.

It's not the first time. I can deal with this.

Drifters.

Humans are drifters.
Never acquainted in only one place.
Bonds made never fixed to one space.
Songs sung never to one tune.
But lucky for us there's the book of face!

X)

Doesn't rhyme but heh. You get the drift.

__________________________

I could stand by the side,
And watch this life pass me by,
So unhappy but safe as could be. - Leona Lewis, Happy.

Looping. :)

Of coffee and inebriatety.

Today's headlines,

Found pubic hair in the sugar they gave at the cafe.

Generally, this weeks weather is the complete opposite of last weeks weather which led to Sze's wrong predictions and visiting Sonia's lack of a thick jacket. XP

In Ten ren, 30-something male Australian man mooned at female customers while onlookers do nothing. No one was harmed at the incident. Or at least physically.

Lastly, a latte and a cappuccino DOES NOT cure hangovers but induces the opposite. D:

HOOKAY.

Tune in next week for more tried-and-tested hangover antidotes.

My university degree life,

No more essays.

No more exams.

No more class tests.

No more random presentations. Or planned ones even.

Three Years

Is officially over.

YAY. =)

HEY HO.

Thanks for all the well wishes. The support in my ordeal. To all the lecturers, whether you were accommodating or anal, thank you all that you have taught me, whether academically or life that you all have been very significant to what I am today. You are all in a way or another an inspiration to me.

Chin Huat, I've ultimate respect for what you stand for. Dr Yeoh, I admire your wit and humour in providing this toolbox to carry in life. To all other lecturers who made everything implicit apparent, I will never forget you.

To Sonia, I am damn glad you are here to witness this little end of yet another chapter of our lives. It only seemed like it was yesterday we finished High School and now that we look back, the irony is it has been a while since.

To friends who I've met along to way, I value your friendships and support. Hearts hearts. *blows kisses all around the world*

My Second Media Age subject taught me that, I don't need to be an Oscar award winner to give thank you speeches.

HELLO BOOZE THE BEACH AND THE SAND!

L'amour est aveugle

I googled this. :) I wished I didn't have to though. :/

Secretly, I want to be a linguist. =)

I think it's time I actually do something about it.

*

ONE MORE FKING PAPER TO THE CRUEL CORNERS OF THE WORKING WORLD. Take me.

These things last!

40 years and counting. :)

Complicated.

I know people who led complicated lives.

I hear their complications and say to myself, If it were me...

Happy Seven Eleven day.

I took (not one but) two free slurpees on Seven-Eleven day.

*

I've been slacking for the past few days after handing in my FTV, and I somehow managed to drag myself out of the comforts of my own home to the Library to start doing something productive. This paper will be the one that determines whether I get to take an extra 4th year for a (Hons) at the end of my certificate.

Although at the same time, like everyone else, I face this conflict (like most migrant people face) that a part of me want to stay back, but in another, can't bear to part with my family any longer.

Plans etc. Blah. I'm horrible as making decisions like this. I was already ready to wave bye bye to Alex and Karina but instead somehow I ended up here with them! Haha.

I am happy that the coming exam will be the last I will take and may very well signify an end to my late nights (often last minute), I come to realize I may miss that kind of lifestyle after all? What lies a head of me? If everything is laid out for you, life would be rather boring, no?

I read in one of my readings about the human detest of unpredictability. Perhaps an overgeneralized assumption but true for some. There is only THIS much randomness one can take.

I learn alot. I don't want it to just stop here. I'm only 21. I still feel very 'green'. I used to be excited about the prospects of going out in the field, working but now I'm not too sure.

People need to go somewhere harsh to develop. Should I throw myself into the harshness?

Are you a visual creature?

She who is perfect.

Clothing size from zero to four.
Silky long hair.
Symmetrical face.
Double eyelids.
C-cup.
Perky butt.
Barbie doll waist.
Skinny thighs.

He who is perfect.

Tall and lanky 6 foot-ish body frame
thick jaw lines
wide forehead
perfect haircut,
A well chiseled body.
Preferably v-shaped


What gives?

The only people who are making money out of this are plastic surgeons, protein supplement and cosmetic companies!

If only people stopped focusing on the above-average hot people and look at the 90% of the shy, less outgoing, more average ones, maybe life wouldn't be so complicated?

Whatever happened to the notion that beauty is subjective? It seems like it's been all played out and affirmed already. Criteria for beauty is starting to become more objective than ever! If you don't fit into that description, you are doomed to be invisible/jobless/single for life muahahha~ In words of Jason Hahn. XD

Humans are such visual creatures. :/ Baahh.

I personally just don't see the need to be made-up every time I step out of the house. There are times I prefer to just change out of my pyjamas and run to the train station and head wherever I want to go. If I'm just going out to buy a loaf of bread, or meet a close friend for a meal, I just don't feel the need to go through such great lengths to keep myself happy? As long as I don't look sloppy, why worry? =)

While due to the nature of human's appreciation of aesthetics, as far as it goes I would live up to it when there's an occasion for me to dress up, I would gladly take the opportunity to just for the fun of it. But I wouldn't stick to a regime that makes my appearance the main attribute to keep me happy. Once this particular look has been normalized, it becomes insignificant.

I don't want people to appreciate me for my perfections but imperfections rather. These are things I can cover but have no control over to change.

I've been told time and time again that I can look good if I put the effort to. But I think to myself: what if people start to realize I am plain obnoxious, bimbotic and ill-mannered under those layers of powder and ink? :) No amount of dieting or make up can make up for that.

Perhaps its because there was once a phase I've once fallen into and gotten out off that made me hold even more firmly onto my belief. I won't deny that I do appreciate aesthetics and gush over Gerard Butler and Giselle Bunchen when they do grace pages of magazines but even so that doesn't make them any less/more human than any of us. I believe that those levels of aesthetics should only remain there. Not in the real world. =)

OK. Long rambling. It must be the heat. Sigh. Back to work.

Use your Brain~

Asian parents should watch this.

http://news.sbs.com.au/insight/episode/index/id/147#watchonline

Tiara is on TV.

I told myself.

It's the last hurdle. It's the last essay. Put your everything into it. And I got up from bed.